this is me, writing my research paper...

So yeah, i have this research paper due on Monday...am I working on it right now? ...Not really... DO i need to be...yes. But life decided to get crazy on me these last three weeks when i was suppose to be writing it. The only hard part is the research, i just need to find reliable sources, after that i can write the paper in an hour or so. I'll get it figured out.
These last few weeks have been a blur, i didn't even realize how long it's been since I've written in my blog since my dad told me i haven't written anything new in two weeks. ( i didn't know that anyone was even reading it.)
Although one reason i haven't written is i haven't really had anything much to say. Its been stressful and chaotic the last few weeks with me almost breaking down into melt downs on an almost daily basis, but only actually having a few.
Maybe i should tell you what I've learned about tender mercies. I can't believe how many of them I've had in my life and I'm so glad I've been blessed to recognize them.
Because even amongst all the melt downs and stress there is always someone or something there to make me smile. One day i was having a particularly bad morning, it was a Friday morning. And i was honestly just having a bad day. The night before had been hard the morning had been hard (i had gotten up early to finish homework i hadn't done the night before.) I walked out and was sure that i had a parking ticket on my car (and the root of my bad day was financially based.) i almost broke down on the walk to school, instead i turned my headphones up really loud and let music be the only thing in my head. (was it the most happy or uplifting of music? of course not, i was in a bad mood. So it was songs like "face down" by jumpsuit apparatus or "pretty girl" by sugarcult) And then I got to class, and i realized that friday night i had no work, and no plans and no one i knew that i could really go do anything with. But i ran into some old roommates and decided "hey, they are going a multi-stake dance, maybe i'll tag along with them. So i had something to do, and who knows maybe it would be my lucky night and i could meet a guy." (not likely, but still slightly possible) then i was in music theory and we were getting mid-terms back. I was like "awesome, because my day isn't bad enough." (you can tell that i thought i did well on it) And then i got it back with an A on it. which made me happier. then i went to classes. And my phone starts ringing in keyboard harmony. I take it out long enough to see who it is, and its McDonalds calling me. Well, i can't answer it cause i'm in class. So i put it back in my pocket a minute later it buzzes in my pocket telling me I have a voice mail. So between classes i check it and they want to know if i can come in and work (it was the first Friday night i'd had off without requesting it off in I don't know how long. (plus i had to work the next morning) But i decided i needed the money more than i needed my sanity. So i surrender my Friday night to six hours of work. So i call work and tell them i can take the shift, and then my manager tells me that they are going to pay for my dinner for taking the shift. Which was very nice of them, i got a real dinner for once.
When i got to work Mike was also working that night, and Cheryl was on shift and had to put people back in the hole, but she felt bad so she put me and Mike back there together. I think everyone knew i was having a bad day (i wasn't really trying to hide it) and so while we're back in the hole Mike kept doing things that made me smile and laugh, so i couldn't really stay in a completely bad mood. i like that people at work were doing things that made me smile and laugh. Although it all caught up to me before i even made it out to my car, for those six hours people were making life bearable.
And this is what i've learned. There are always things that will make life good, a little better. Sometimes they are major, but usually they are quite small. Especially when everything in life is going wrong. You have to learn how to see them. I decided i started learning to see them when i actually kept my happy thoughts notebook.
That was a notebook i would keep and i would write down little things that made me smile during the day. When i started making it i never realized that i was teaching myself to look and see and realize the little things that make life easier. But i stopped keeping it, mostly because i got behind and i knew there was no way i could go back and write them all in and i didn't really know where to start to get back on But i've learned that i notice them now without really looking for them. I just see them, and all those really very minor things make life so much easier when everything is Majorly going wrong.
The same thing happened on Thursday, I was once again having a terrible day (stress tends to do this to me) and i ran into an old friend on campus that i never see and we were just chatting and registration came up and i mentioned how i couldn't register yet and it was just hard right now. But its ok, trying to write it off as less than it really was, but she really didn't by it and so mid sentance she just pulled me into a hug. And it was what i needed.
long story short, there are always small tender mercies, sometimes its watching the light in a child's eyes as they laugh. Or having half a tank of gas. Maybe just a smile that some gives you.
and sometimes its just knowing that you have people that care about you.