So...I've been busy. Guess it's time to catch up.

Wow, almost two months since I wrote something.

In my defense, this semester has been crazy.

The month of October I went to Salt Lake almost every weekend. I was working at This is The Place, going to school and working my job in Logan.

First I worked the witches ball, which was beyond so much fun! I was only handing out brownies and cookies, but it was still just a blast to see everyone in costumes and people dancing. It was just a great time.

Then, I went to a corn maze the next day and got a freaking huge pumpkin, which was also awesome.

Then the next weekend I worked the Little haunts over fall break, which was so much fun! I also ended up working one night of haunted village, not as much fun...at all...I don't do haunted. Went to my friends wedding reception and caught bouquet #7.  And then proceeded to work in Logan, within 6 days I worked 60 hours, in addition to going to school...I was beyond tired by the end of that week. And then back down to Salt Lake to work the last day of Little haunts and go to my friends cousins reception. I decided to let the little girl next to me catch the bouquet at that one considering I didn't know anyone besides my friend there.

I know more stuff happened in the middle of all of this...but again...life's been crazy.

While at little haunts one day I got to work as the Story Witch, and it was SO MUCH FUN!!!!! I got to lead the costume parade and tell stories to kids all day.

I look good as a blonde.

I know I've said this before, but I just LOVE This is The Place. I learn so many cool things that I couldn't learn anywhere else, and I work with some of the coolest people, and I've made some of the greatest friends, and it's just a great place to be. 

Who wouldn't love a place like this?

So yeah, spending a good chunk of October there didn't cause me problems at all. 

And now we are on to finishing out the semester. There are certain adventures coming my way that I am not ready to make public yet, but I'm excited for them.

As for now, I'm just enjoying the adventures of being a college student, barely making ends meet, but making it. And it's never boring, nor is it ever short of miracles. 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone this upcoming week!

                                             

Having awesome roommates again.

Do you now how great it is having awesome, chill AND sane roommates?

I was beginning to wonder if I was done having good roommates.

I don't know how much I posted about my recent roommates in the last few years, some of them have been absolutely wonderful, others....not so much...

So, reasons why my roommates are awesome this year.

1. We agree that we should lock the door at night. And if we dead bolt it before everyone is home, we don't freak out, because guess what? We have a key.

2. We all help keep the apartment clean.

3. We try hard to make sure we aren't eating someone else's food without their permission.

4. We are totally willing to share food with each other.

5. We respect the fact that all of us have lives.

6. The chill level of the apartment is awesome.

7. All of us have a nerdy side.

8. We like having people over, and it's become a space where friends are welcomed.

9. We can share the bathroom, and no one monopolizes it.

10. We actually care about each other.

Basically, I love my roommates this year.

The art and science of catching the Bouquet.

So, I am pathetically good at catching the bouquet. No, really. I have caught six since December 2012.
which was this one here.

These are not the only attempts I have made at catching the bouquet. I thought I may give tips to other ladies among us who desire to catch the coveted bouquet. So through the success and failures of my bouquet catching, here is what I have learned.

Most ladies stand too far back.

This is a bouquet of flowers being thrown over the back of a head, not a ball being throw fast pitch. Most ladies in bouquet tosses stand forever far back, in hopes that it will somehow come to them, when in reality, it is probably going to fall very short of where you are standing.

Be taller than 5 ft nothing.

It is hard to catch the bouquet when you are standing in the middle of a lot of girls who really want it when you are shorter than all of them (which is why knowing that most of them are going to stand to far back is really helpful.)

Do not wear heels in the bouquet toss.

You have to jump and move to catch the bouquet. Even if you are a master at jumping in heels and not breaking your ankle when you land, there is a high chance of you landing on another girls feet, which could cause you to twist your ankle and really hurt her. It's also helpful to ditch accessories, like your purse.

Don't worry about catching it in front of the 9 year old girls.

I know this sounds really mean, but the bouquet toss is technically suppose to be for all single, ELIGIBLE girls. A 9 year old is not getting married anytime soon, so she shouldn't even be in the bouquet toss, technically. If I do catch it in front of a 9 year old, I will usually take off one flower and give it to her, but it won't stop me from catching it right over her head.

 

(another picture of a bouquet I caught)

You are less likely to catch the bouquet at the wedding of a 19 year old bride, than you are a 23+ year old bride.

I know to the non-mormon readers among us, having a 19 year old bride is crazy and uncommon. For those of us who are mormon, and living in Utah, we know a lot of them. So why are you less likely to catch it at the 19 year olds wedding? Because her friends want it. They haven't been to multiple weddings in a year yet. They don't know when the next one is coming, they haven't learned yet that they have another cousin/roommate/sister/friend who is about to get engaged and be getting married in the next six months. They haven't had that summer yet where you get 10 wedding announcements. They want that bouquet. They will jump over you for it. Plus, if they can catch that bouquet, they will never have to catch another one, which leads me to...

Catching the bouquet does not increase your chances.

Again, 6 bouquets in the last year and a half and I've not gotten so much as a boyfriend, let alone a husband. If you don't put the weight of your eternal happiness on catching that bouquet, you are going to be much happier. If you want to catch it, just because it is fun to catch it and there isn't  a lot of pressure, you are more likely to catch it.

Remember that you probably have another wedding coming up.

I went to my cousins wedding last week, the bouquet slipped right through my fingers (she was a 19 year old bride, lots of taller friends wanted it.) I was a little disappointed I didn't catch it, (mostly because it has become a game and challenge for me.) but I didn't despair because I have at least 3 friends getting married in the next four months. And I'm sure more to come, it is engagement season all around for those who are wanting to get married at semester.

So there you are, the art and science behind catching the bouquet. Best of luck at the next wedding you attend!

Styles of love and speaking for the storges.

So, we've all seen the movie. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, and in an hour and a half they have proclaimed there undying love for each other and they live happily every after.

We've also seen it with our friends (especially if you are mormon) they meet, fall in love, and 3-6 months later are engaged and are married within a year of knowing each other.

Because one style of love is ever really commonly shown, especially in the media, people don't seem to realize that there are other styles of love.

Yes, this is a real thing and not something I am making up. I learned about this in my interpersonal communications class and I am taking most of the information from that textbook, which is, "Interpersonal Communication. Everyday Encounters" sixth edition, written by Julia T. Wood. ...I'm not sure what type of citation to put in here, so that, I think, is enough information that I won't be accused of plagiarism. In fact while reading these below, I'm hovering between paraphrasing and word for word from the book, while defining the loves.

DISCLAIMER!!!! I am not writing this to say that one style is better than the other. I'm am writing this to inform that there are more ways to love than one, and maybe we should step back and actually learn what type of lover we are and what our friends are so that we stop shoving ideas down each others throats...

Now, I would like to clarify something else as well, I am referring only to romantic love in this post. About the style of love we have when it comes to finding a significant other.

So the three primary style of love, Eros, Storge, and Ludus. There are also secondary styles, but today I'm just focusing on the primary.

The first one, Eros, is the kind that we find most commonly in the media. It is powerful and passionate. It will burst into flames and come alive very quickly and often, loudly. This isn't limited to sexual attraction, but to spiritual, emotional, and/or intellectual. It is the most intuitive and spontaneous of the styles. Also, men, more often, are more Eros type loves.

Personal opinion, that is the biggest reason it is used in stories, whatever their medium. Because Eros relationships are filled with fire and passion so quickly that it makes for a good story, especially if it is only a two hour movie.

The second one is Storge, it is comfortable and based on friendship and compatibility. It tends to grow very gradually and is often very comfortable and stable. Often, it is based on common interests and values. They don't have those flaring highs that come with the fire of eros lovers, but, it also avoids fiery burns and hot tempers that come with quick flamed love.

This is the type of love that many people mistakenly think is the best thing in the world and something to be worked toward. While it is the most stable, if you are Eros, this type of relationship would be agonizing.

The third and last one is Ludus, which is a playful love. It is the style of love where people view love as a game. It is full of adventure and challenges. Love is a fun thing for them, and nothing rather serious. Often, commitment is not the goal. They enjoy falling in love. A lot of people will go through a ludic phase without actually being a ludus lover. And that is okay, in fact, after a long-term relationship has come to an end, it is normal to just date the field and have fun.

So now that we know what all the primary styles of love are lets talk about it real quick.  I am very much a Storge lover. I don't fall quickly, in fact, I rarely can pin point the moment when I have fallen. I just realize that I care far more and differently than I use to.

The main problem I have encounter being this way is that I have many, many, many, many, many Eros friends. And they don't understand that that doesn't work for me. I'm never going to see that person at first glance and go "It's him." I won't give that power or trust to someone I don't know.

I don't "fall into like" very quickly at all. I don't know after one date if I like you. I take a long time to evaluate what I feel and how much of my heart I am willing to give away to you.

I think most of this comes from being hurt multiple times, and I think some of it comes just because that's the way I am. I have plenty of fire and passion in me, but it isn't going to be coming out very easily.

And this has driven many of my friends absolutely insane.

And I guess that's where either I'm a stupid romantic or just have unrealistic expectations. I never pictured falling in love as fireworks and flashing lights and an orchestra.

I always pictured it as that person I grew to love. I always assumed fireworks had to be earned. I pictured love to be those moments between the fireworks. Having someone to hold me when I have a bad dream, or bad day. Someone I can laugh with about silly things. Someone I can sit next to on the couch in silence and it isn't awkward or weird. That person I can call just to say hi. The one that I can trust with all of me.

I guess that's when I realized what kind of lover I was. I never really dreamed about falling in love, I dreamed about growing into. Growing closer and closer with someone until I realized that I didn't want to have anyone else closer. That person in whose presence I feel more comfortable than anywhere else on earth.

That is me and my storge mind. I guess. I don't remember where I was going with the post when I started, I just kind of let it grow and evolve. I guess that's what I was really wanting to say.

And now it has led me to wonder if my dream of growing to love someone, and growing into a relationship is unrealistic.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

I guess I just wanted to speak for the Storges. I'm vastly outnumbered by my Eros friends, whom I love dearly. But many of them don't realize what worked for them will never work for me. Just as what works for me would be very difficult for them.

 Just remember that, especially when your well intentioned friends, family and roommates tell you how to love.

So here is a 2 month update

Yeah, I know it's been awhile. 

I think the last time I posted was beginning of April, and then life happened. 

So here is the skinny.

The Saturday before Dead week my car breaking down #1 happened. Right as I was suppose to head to Salt Lake for a bridal shower. And I also had work the next day. I worked almost every weekend in April, to help make up for quitting Avalon early. 

I took my car to a place called Master Mechanics in Providence. They did well enough work, but oh they were expensive. I spent $999.17 on a new intake manifold gasket, new wires for the spark plugs and a new battery. Ridiculously expensive, I know.

I took my car in the next Monday, and didn't get it back till Wednesday, 6 hours later than I was suppose to get it back. Which caused me to be late to our dress rehearsal in the Salt Lake Tabernacle, yup, I got to sing there. It is a very interesting space to sing in. I also signed a lease for an apartment that day and then worked. Because that is what I do.

That weekend I sang in the Tabernacle, and had my final choir performance for the year on Saturday. Which was a rough day. It had actually been a really rough week, and things just kept happening. 

Now we fast forward to Finals week. I needed to move out by noon Friday, my last final was at 9:30 Friday. 

I take Monday as a day to chill, having three days after that to pack. Except I forgot about the fact I had offered to cover a spot at work in Salt Lake on Wednesday. Which takes an entire day away from me, and I needed to study Thursday for my final.

So I send out a mass text and facebook call asking for help from anyone who isn't busy. Fully expecting no one to show up, because that is kind of my history. When the first of many angels to show up is Michelle. Followed closely by Charles. They pretty much packed my bedroom for me. And then we went to Michelle and Vox's so they could help Charles with some studying.

Now, due to all the fun stuff in the air and then fact that I had stirred up a bunch of dust in my room, I woke up Wednesday coughing. That night I started packing the kitchen stuff, because I have way to much of it.

Thursday I start the day by doing 4 hours of yard work for my grandma, thinking that I was better by this point...I wasn't. The cough had turned into a cold. Then I rent a storage unit, and my dear friend Michelle comes to my rescue again and helps me finish packing my kitchen. She leaves for dinner while I pack up my bathroom. My friend Kylie, from freshman year had offered her truck to help me move stuff to the storage unit. So she comes, and then Michelle was back and we started loading up the truck. My roommate Jacie heard us loading a truck, so she came out to help. And then the boys two doors down realized we were packing a truck and came to help. Then a train of cars followed to the unit and helped me unload. After that Kylie and I visited for about an hour, we had two years of life to catch up on. She left around 9 and I took a very hot shower to try and clear my sinuses. It worked for about 15 minutes. I then grabbed a book that I was giving to a friend, so I drove over to Ambers. She came to the door, 10:00 at night, I said "this is the first free moment I've had today to bring it over." She looks at me and says "sit down. Do you need IB profen?" and she basically jumped into mom mode as I felt like dying, and I really needed a mom at that moment, but mine was in Texas. Amber almost didn't let me go home, but I needed to because I was going to ask the boys two doors down for a blessing. So when I left I went and asked them and it was good.

Friday I woke up and bombed my final, I had never had a chance to study. Thankfully I had a good enough grade in the class that it only took me down to a B+, but I was really excited for an A-. Oh well. I then go home to load the car with everything I was taking to Salt Lake. Jenn comes by to grab some books and ends up staying to help pack and clean, along with my visiting teacher and her two roommates and Charles. After everything is loaded and cleaned I go to Michelle and Vox's to sleep on their couch, because I don't have the energy to drive to Salt Lake, I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep. I wake up in the afternoon, drive to Salt Lake, get my key, and get to my apartment in the avenues. Where my first impression of my roommates is "sorry, I'd help, but I'm leaving in five minutes". They have turned out to be really nice girls, but I was so tired and sick I just wanted to move back to Logan. I called my friend Kenzie, who came and helped me move in (I live in the second floor of an old house) and the guy upstairs also helped me move in.

Once I finally got some sleep, life got way better. 

Saturday, I wake up and go to work. I was tempted to call in sick, instead I asked if I could just switch sites to one that would be a little easier (less dusty) on my lungs. Which they were more than happy to accommodate. I usually remember to ask for the day after I move off, but I had forgotten. And then right after work I had to head to a wedding reception in Ogden. Where I got to see Michael and Sarah again for the first time in 2 years.

It was so great to see them again. I miss them so much, and am so sad they are in Georgia, but they are loving it there, so that's a good thing.

I then started working pretty much full time, and now completely full time at the park. I planted the gardens at the Andrus and Gardiner Cabin, which has been very fun and I've loved working in gardens again.

About 2-3 weeks into living in my new apartment, I am on my way to Jim and Heathers to carpool to a co-workers wedding reception...insert car breaking down #2. I was on the corner of 5th and 13th (a very busy intersection) sitting at a red light about 6 o'clock (a very busy time on that road) when my car just turned off and wouldn't turn back on. 

That was fun.

Jim wasn't far behind me and happened to call just as my car broke down. So he and Heather came and rescued me. He called his friend Omar to tow the car. Turns out my fuel pump had broken and my engine wasn't getting enough gas.  Thankfully, Omar had it fixed with 48 hours, during which time Jim and Heather graciously gave me rides to work and let me stay at their house. And entire new fuel system, $340. 

More maintence of gardens. Work drama. resolution of work drama. Boy problems....more boy problems...these things happen. Roommate drama. more friends getting engaged and married. People getting pregnant. This is in no particular order.

Week after I get my car back Grandpa Fred and Grandma Joy come through  Salt Lake on their way to Idaho. After visiting with them, car breaking down #3, my clutch went out. About a $400 job. But it also happened to break down memorial day weekend, so I wasn't able to get my car back until Wednesday. during which time, again, Jim and Heather were the greatest friends ever and gave me places to sleep and rides and such. 

I've learned this last year what it feels like to have friends really care about you. It's a good feeling.

When I get my car back, they tell me they also found a leak in the radiator. After many attempts with John and Jen to help fix it, it was back in the shop a week later. But, I did get it fixed for only $126. So for a little less than what I paid in Logan, look at what I got fixed in Salt Lake. Never taking my car to Master Mechanics again.

More garden, work, boy, roommate, life happening. 

And now here we are, the day after a very fun murder mystery that deserves it's own blog post. I pulled my first crop out of a garden today, radishes. To bad I don't like radishes. But at least they are growing. And very tired. 

In short, these last two months have flown by, and have not been short on adventures.

Play Time

Yes, as a matter of fact I am doing back to back posts on play.

Because play is important.

For some reason, as we grow up we seem to think that playing isn't important, and is also rather childish. However, recently I had to pick a health subject to create a campaign  to promote a healthy behavior. I chose play.

There is research to back up the importance of play. There is even an National Institution of Play. Did you know that? I didn't until a few days ago.

But here are some of the reasons that Play is healthful and something that should be part of our lives.

-It relieves stress
-It fosters creativity
- It enhances problem solving skills
-It is important to our mental and physical health
-It supercharges learning
-It helps us connect to each others
-Play can help with loneliness, isolation, anxiety and depression
-It also makes us happy.

So why do we not make time to play?

For some reason our society (from my observations) has become so obsessed with success, to the point we forget that life isn't just about work, but it is something to be enjoyed and cherished. All the money and monetary success will mean nothing if we are miserable getting there.

Life is such a precious gift, why not enjoy it?

Play doesn't have to be stressful or take a lot of time, in fact you can even find ways to bring it into your work.

It also doesn't mean vegging in front of the couch.

Playing sports is play. Dancing. Board games. Table top games. Taking walks with friends. Attending concerts and performances. Telling riddles and jokes. It can even be as simple as lunch with a friend.

We all need time to unwind and enjoy the world around us. So as you stress, be it for end of semester or just life in general, take time to play today.

Play theory

Have I told you guys about Play Theory?

Because it is pretty awesome.

It's this club on campus that my friends happen to be starting, well...starting the USU chapter. They were in it down in LDS Business college.

Anyway, it is a club that is all about learning life skills, like happiness, through improv games.

Right up my alley, right?

So we have 4 principles that we focus on and learn about and practice through playing, they are as follows :

1. Be 100% present.
2. Let go and play.
3. Say yes, and...
4. Look outward.

Are these not great principles to live life by?

Be 100% present
I feel like this one is self explanatory. It is hard to accomplish much of anything, if you are not in the moment. You have to be aware of the now to enjoy the now.

Let go and play.
Seriously, stop taking yourself so seriously. Life is also meant to be enjoyed.

Say yes, and...
Don't always be the one to say no. Except what life throws you and the add to it.

Look Outward.
When you try to make others look good, you inadvertently make yourself look good.

Theses are just Mandy's translations of the principles, the real ones are much more eloquent.

But basically. I love play theory, and I am so glad I get to go play once a week. 

Why I loved Frozen

Okay, I know that there are a million posts out there about frozen and arguing what it is really saying to everyone.

But let me be annoying and throw one more out there.

I know that everyone has been claiming that frozen is pushing the "gay agenda". I'll be honest, the first, second and third time I saw it, I didn't jump to that conclusion.

I can plainly see how everyone is seeing that. And it is a completely valid perspective.

But I am looking through different eyes.

I saw a girl, who struggled with something that was part of her. She felt that she was not allowed to show it, she wasn't allowed to have it. If she just concealed it and ignored it, maybe it would go away. Maybe it wouldn't exist.

She finally hit a point where she let it out, and people reacted....let's say poorly...

So she ran away to be by herself so that she could be herself. She was finally allowed to feel things that were part of her.

This is what I saw because this is the battle I have fought with myself.

I have my own trials, as all of us do. But one thing that society and many of the people heavily involved in my life taught me was that I am not allowed feelings.

I am not allowed to be sad. I am not allowed to get angry. I am not allowed bad days. I am not allowed to be confused. I am not allowed to be frustrated. I am not allowed to be hurt.

Basically, if it was a negative emotion, it was not allowed.

So I learned to hide them.

"Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know."

I was not allowed to have the emotions that are part of being human. So I tried to get rid of them. I tried to control them. If I could conceal them, they didn't exist. If I didn't feel them, they didn't matter.

But that doesn't work forever.

Eventually the human in me came out. I had a terrible year with a lot of problems. And these negative emotions started coming out.

I got sad. I got angry. I got frustrated. All because I was hurting.

And when they started coming out people who were in my life, even good friends, reacted...let's say poorly...

I began to be ostracized when I was trying to scream for help. So I "ran away". Metaphorically speaking, of course. I shut down. I turned all feelings off. Including happy ones.

However, we  as humans, don't work well when we simply don't feel. So I started staying in more and more. I skipped classes so I didn't have to be around people. Because when I was alone, I was allowed feelings again. That's when I could be angry or frustrated or sad or hurt or happy or accomplished or smart.

When I was alone, I could be me.

The difference between Elsa and I? No one came after me.

Well...false...ONE TIME, I had one friend who realized I was dangerously not okay, and he did come by and we went for a long drive. He was the only one.

And that was enough.

I decided somewhere that I should consider re-joining the human race.

But I was still hiding my "powers" or the negative emotions. I couldn't trust these new close friends with them yet.

Slowly, I let them know this and that, so that they could understand that I do have problems and struggles, I am just not allowed to show them.

One in particular (simply because I spent the most time around him, as we are attending the same school) learned a lot more and has been able to see a lot more than anyone else.

All of the sudden, I was allowed to have my "powers", that thing that was part of me. And because they were now allowed, I was able to start controlling them. I was able to work through and with them in a constructive manner.

That is why I loved Frozen.

And because all of us have those challenges that aren't always accepted, it strikes a chord in all of us.

I love that it was so beautifully done that everyone could start seeing and thinking and interpreting things about it.

It was wonderful.

  

Happy Valentines Day!!!

I would like to wish everyone a most sincere and happy Valentines day!!!

And no, it is NOT Singles awareness day.

Seriously, if you want my un-filtered opinion about how much I hate people calling it that, ask me in person sometime.

And before you go all "well, you must have never been alone on Valentines or you would understand" on me, in the 23 Valentines that I have been around for, I've not had someone to spend a single one of them with. So, yeah, trust me, I know what being alone on Valentines is like.

But do you want to know what today is about?

An entire DAY dedicated to YOU being able to express YOUR love for the people that YOU care about.

It's not about receiving gifts.

Not that there is anything wrong with receiving affection, or that enjoying them is bad.

But stop focusing on what you are getting or not getting.

Think about all the people in your life that you love and care about.

Think about all the times you wished you could let them know.

YOU GET AN ENTIRE DAY TO LET THEM KNOW!!!!!

Not that you can't love them other days of the year. In fact you should.

But do you know how much better Valentines day is when you aren't focusing on yourself and how lonely you are?

SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

What I do on Valentines, I buy a bunch of candy and I go around giving it to people all day.

yes I know I'm odd.

But I figured out that if I can't have a Valentine, doesn't mean I can't be one.

So I hope that no matter your relationship status, you may have a very Happy Valentines.

Please don't stop the music.

I know I've posted about music before, especially since when I started this blog 3 years ago, I was a music major.

But I've been thinking a lot about music lately.

Because I miss it.

I mean, I'm back in Chorale, which is better than nothing. And I'm humbled to admit that stepping down to Chorale after Chambers is really really hard.

But music just isn't in my life like it use to be.

And it makes me sad.

I don't learn knew songs anymore. I'm not exploring different styles. I'm not practicing my guitar and trying to get better.

I've accepted my mediocrity.

I want to fill my life with music again.

Music is how I feel. It's how I process emotions.

I think that's why it has left me a little.

Last year, I turned emotions off. Turning them back on is hard and scary.

Music brings them out in me.

I guess I'm saying, I need the music back. I need to face the fears. I need to expand and create. I need to practice and become. I need to pretend like I'm much better than I am.

I want the music back.

Trophys

So, I just read an article on huffington post about how no one should have to put up with or accept us at our worst, we should learn to fix our worst. I agreed with that part of the article, to a degree. We all have bad days, and on those days we need acceptance, however if you are a pain and selfish all the time, then you need to work on that.

(If you want to read it, here is the link. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-walsh/if-i-cant-accept-you-at-y_b_4673582.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false )

But that is not what this post is about.

I want to talk about trophy's. This guy really ripped on how when we give everyone the "pity trophy" there are only one of two outcomes going to happen. That kid will realize it's the pit trophy and hate it, OR they will think "yeah, I am cool." and get an inflated ego from earning a trophy.

I am here to tell you I am the third kind of person. (and I am sure that there are also 4th, 5th, and 6th persons as well)

I played soccer for 5 years growing up (shocker, I know), and at the end of every season I got my PARTICIPATION trophy. I had accomplished something over each season. I was part of a team. I was learning a sport. I was learning how to work with others. I was learning how to accept defeat. I was learning how to graciously win. I was getting physical exercise. I was playing. I was making friends. I scored goals. I blocked goals. I tripped and fell. I lost the ball. I was learning many valuable lessons. And for all of this, and making it through the season, I was given a trophy.

I knew that everyone was getting it, I wasn't stupid. But I saw it as my reward for making it through the season. It was something to keep and remember the things I learned. It was proof that I could make it through an entire summer season of a sport. I knew it wasn't for anything outstanding I had done. BUT that silly award ceremony we would have was one more lesson in being gracious and grateful.

Plus it was usually hosted at this local pizza place that I loved, which is never a bad thing.

Basically, While I agree that we are starting to go over board on "emotional bubble wrap". I find nothing wrong with everyone getting a participation trophy, because when you are a child, sticking through an entire season is hard. Learning to play nicely is hard. And you have earned having something to remember it by. I still have and love all (i think) 7 of my trophy's and 1 medal from my years of playing soccer.

Since then, I have lost track of all the times I have "lost." When I was kicked out of my program. When I have been passed over for jobs. When I didn't get the boy that I wanted. I had already learned at a young age that you don't always win, and it's not the end of the world. You just try again the next game. Want to know something else these trophy's taught me? How much more I appreciated the "wins" I did earn. When I earned a medal for second at state in One-Acts, that medal was a big deal to me. When I received outstanding performer, I knew it was a big deal, because not everyone got one. When my one-act was one of four selected to be performed out of over 50 entries, it was a big deal.

And want to know what else? By this point I had learned to be a gracious winner. So when I received these honors, I wasn't going around saying "Well of course I won, I am just that good." Instead, I was saying "What an honor. Thank you so much for this. I hope I can continue to improve and become better because of this." I turned these into motivation to become excellent at something, so that I was deserving of whatever award I had been given.

Maybe that is what we should be teaching our kids, these trophy's that we give to everyone, it is to show that you have learned something, and you PARTICIPATED. These Valentines that we require you to give everyone? It's so we can teach you how to be kind to everyone. If there is something that we should focus on teaching our children, it is that other people are out there. Other people matter. Everyone IS special, because no one is just like everyone else, and EVERYONE has the POTENTIAL to become excellent. But it must be earned.

Just like I earned those participation trophy's.

One year older, and wiser too.

Well, as of Sunday I am officially a 23 year old.

First, let's start with my birthday.

It was D&D weekend so I was down in Salt Lake. It was a great weekend.

I went to dinner with my friend Kenzie. (Someday, when she is a professional opera singer and is world renown, I'm talking about Makenzie Marie Matthews. Yeah, we're on a first name basis.(; ) I've now had Thai food. Kelton was suppose to come to dinner too, but he got sick and Kenzie has an audition in two weeks, so he didn't want to risk getting her sick before that. So it was just me and her, and it was so great to see her again. She is pretty much amazing.

Then when I got back to Jim and Heather's, Charles, Chris, Jim and I stayed up playing Red Dragon Inn. (A table top game) And I got stone faced drunk. (in the game) In fact, I had the highest alcohol than anyone has ever gotten playing that game. (who knew I could hold my liquor so well?)

Saturday I made fried rice for everyone. I love fried. And so did everyone else. I ended up having to make two batches. And also HEATHER STARTED MY PIONEER DRESS!!!!! Okay, since I'm terrible at blogging and can't actually remember when I last blogged, for Christmas Jim, Heather, and family gave me fabric...to make me a pioneer dress. IT'S GOING TO BE A PRETTY BLUE DRESS!!!!!!! I'm basically just really excited about it. So while the guys were off playing D&D we worked on the dress, then Rachel came over and we started looking at all the fabric so that we can start the mideval era clothes. Did I mention that my friends are the coolest nerds you will ever meet? And I love them for it.

Sunday. January 12. The day of my birth. My birthday, one might say. We wake up, and as soon as I'm awake, I'm being asked if I'll make pancakes. Someday the kids are going to learn that I can make more than pancakes. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to make anything before Church, so I told them I would make lunch after. Which I did. After Sacrament Charles and I pick up Chris and bring him back over to Jim and Heather's. And we just pretty much chill for the next few hours. We watched the first half of a movie called "Gods and generals" or something like that. It's a civil war film, which is awesome, and heartbreaking all at the same time. Moving on.

Charles was wanting to leave Salt Lake around 5, which was fine with me. So around 4:30, he walks into the other room and walks back out with a bag, hands it to me and says "Happy Birthday". (I hadn't told anyone it was my birthday. I figured facebook would do that for me and I would probably end up in trouble for not telling anyone. But my friends are better than that.) Then Chris comes in with another bag with my birthday present. Nicole (Heather's daughter) had also made a cake the day before. Chris got me a wok, which is awesome. And Charles got me some beautiful ceramic dishes, which I love. Heather is making me a dress. But in all honesty, none of them needed to get me anything. Seriously. I know it's cheesy, but I just love having all of them as friends.

So we cut the cake and we head up to Tremonton. (I needed to swing by my grandma's on the way back to Logan.) So we get there, I help grandma bring stuff up from the basement. (she slipped on ice over the break and hurt her back.) Then I get my presents that my parents sent to her house. I HAVE A TIME PIECE NOW!!!! IT'S SO PRETTY!!!! I also have some beyond comfy USU sweat pants.

We get back to Logan, and I had mentioned to Charles that Becca was having a game night, if he wanted to come. He goes "yeah, let's go there." So we get over there...and there was a surprise party waiting for me. Because my friends are awesome. I mean, I felt bad because I wasn't overly surprised. In the sense of, Becca had invited me to her place for a game night on my birthday. I knew she knew it was my birthday, so I figured there would probably be a cake. But I was surprised that it was actually a party just for me. Complete with balloons and decorations.

And then I felt bad because I am so bad at reactions. But I really did love it and was very touched. Because, again, my friends are awesome.

So now we move on to the older and wiser portion of this post. Because I've not had a boring year. That is for sure.

Things I've learned

The friends I am given never cease to amaze me. Seriously. I know some of the greatest people on planet earth. And especially after last school year, I've found some the most amazing...seriously there are no words. I managed to get the friends, and best friend that I needed. Without even realizing it, they have brought Mandy back. I'm not back without my scars and battle wounds. But I feel like I can face life again. I am starting to see the word like I use to. I became very cynical and bitter at the beginning of last year, and I think some of that is finally starting to go away. Not to mention they are just so cool. I am constantly learning things from all of my friends.

I'm stronger and weaker than I ever thought I was. That was an interesting lesson.

No one is stone. People change everyday. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. But the important part is that they are not stuck. The ones who change for the worse can always change again for the better. A lesson in life. If you are not actively trying to choose how you will change, you will most likely change for the worse.

Playing is important. We all need time to play. Life is hard and stressful and difficult. Which is why we need play time to remember that it isn't all that serious.

Play Theory is one of the coolest clubs ever.

I can write a Maid of Honor speech in less than an hour.

Apparently I can hike up the side of a mountain for 5 miles with nothing to eat but a peach before I throw up. I wouldn't suggest this to anyone. Make sure you eat a decent meal and are aware of how far you are hiking before starting up the side of a mountain.

I still believe that people are basically good. Despite them being so human. They are good.

Pioneer clothes are not as hot as modern clothing. Doubt me? The only times I got heat exhaustion this summer, I was wearing pants.

teaching someone to drive stick can be very entertaining.

I've been taught that I deserve to be treated like a lady.

I've been promoted from platypus for maiden. And the from maiden to fair maiden. Anyone who remembers that I was a duck 5 years ago should know that it is a big deal that I've now made it to homosapien.

And finally, I struggle with emotions. I have no idea how to have them, let alone how to show them. The stronger an emotion gets, the more quiet I become.

So to all my friends who made my birthday wonderful, I'm sorry that I have no idea how to express it, but thank you so much! It was wonderful and I love all of you. There are not words for how grateful I am to have all of you in my life. I don't deserve you wonderful people in my life and I love all of you dearly.

So, one year older and wiser too. Let's see what year 23 brings.

2013. The worst of times, the best of times.

Well, 2013 has come and gone.

The beginning of this year was literally the hardest part of my life so far. I am not joking in the slightest when I say that I am lucky that I made it out alive. I wish I was joking.

I was not the most mentally stable person by the time the beginning of this year came around. I was fighting some pretty hard battles, the kind that other people don't really see. There were still happy times that would kind of show up in there, but the first about 6 months of this year were the darkest times of my life, March and April being the darkest.

Thankfully, through some very dear friends, I had enough to hold on until the light got brighter. And then I had even more dear friends who helped lift the dark cloud higher.

So instead of focusing on the really crappy part of my year, I want to focus on the things that I am grateful for and the things that I learned.

I would like to thank my dear friend who literally saved my life last year with a few kind words. He was there when I needed someone, even though he had no free time. His words were simple, but very sincere. It was enough to pull me out of the dark enough that I could keep going one more day. One more day was all I needed. It was the first step.

I learned that I have more faith than I thought I did. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm no where near it. I have a lot of improving to do. Things that I thought I had known I was barely believing. But I still believed it. I never let go of the faith that I had a loving Heavenly Father who cares about me and loves me. Even if I couldn't feel it. I never stopped knowing that he was there. I know he is real, I know he is listening, I know he loves me. I am so grateful that I could never let go of that.

I learned that I cannot work at a livery when it is over a hundred degrees outside, because no matter what I try, I will get heat exhaustion and hate life.

I learned a bunch of pioneer songs on the guitar.

I learned that I absolutely love the book and movie "Perks of being a wallflower"

I learned that I still may have a writing bone in my body. I've been wanting to start new projects again.

I am thankful for the friend who asked me to a Pioneer Ball so that I didn't have to go alone.

I'm thankful for my friend who is teaching me to tool leather. I'm thankful for karaoke night. I love karaoke, mostly because of the company I go with. I am beyond thankful for the dear friends I have grown close to in the last few months. There are not words to express how wonderful they are and how much they have done for me. And they aren't even aware of it. They have accepted me as I am, and not all of them are aware that I am fighting old ghosts, but I feel like I can face them because I know I have these friends around me. I wish I could express to them how grateful I am. But the words do not exist.

This will sound shallow, but I'm thankful for my friend who takes me on dates. We are not exclusive, but for the first time in my life I have someone I am dating. Not a boyfriend. Not exclusive. Just dates. But he treats me so well, and makes me feel like I am worth his time. I've never known what that feels like.

I've learned that people change. For better and for worse. We are not stone creatures. We are constantly changing. And that's good. It's just sad when we change for the worse.

Well, there is a recap of this year. It wasn't boring. but it sure did end on a good note. Here's to 2014, another year of adventures.