A person is a person

So today in my english class 2 things happened. At the beginning of class, our teacher decided she wanted us a learn a little about perspective, so we all had to find a new spot in class to sit (at least 5 seats away from where we currently were sitting) and had to sit by someone we had never sat by in class before. Now considering my last couple of weeks, this change was not a huge deal to me, and I decided to take it a little farther and go dead poets on her. I moved across the classroom, up a few rows and sat on the table. Best part, she thought it was great. So i got to sit on the table the entire class. I also happened to find the heater right by it, which is where i ended up resting my feet. life was warm. :)

I don't know why i love sitting on tables, but I always have. Maybe because i don't usually reach the floor very well in chairs, i don't know. So my backpack sat on the chair and I sat on the table.

Then we got into our class discussion about the reading. And a lot of it came back to prejudices and accepting people ad stuff like that. The moral of class today was perspective.

That is something I feel a lot of people lack, which is so sad. There is such an amazing power behind perspective. But people I think are afraid to remember that people are people. No matter what else.

It makes me sad how judgmental people can be. And i'm sorry, but mormons are some of the worst offenders. They feel like even looking at something form a perspective other than what they believe means that they are accepting it. Which is not true. I mean honestly, look at some of our beliefs. Don't misunderstand, I believe in my faith with everything in me. It is my salvation, it is what keeps me sane. It is what brings me peace. But I've been able to look at it from other peoples eyes and I can see why people think we are strange. We have some very weird beliefs. Not that they are hurting anyone, intentionally at least. But that is exactly the same for other religions. I think Jews have some very interesting beliefs, but they can be some of the nicest people you've ever met.

perspective.

Why do people have to judge? Why does it matter what someone is? I don't care if you are gay, straight, black, white, purple, Jewish, Catholic, a slow runner, a fast reader, a mechanic, a teacher, a doctor, whatever. The point is we are all people, and we deserve to be treated as such.

Now, bringing my faith into it. Even more than we are all people, we are all Children of God. So why should it matter?

Here is the other weird part of life, if you love people, you don't treat them the same. I know that sounds so backwards, but honestly, I am so grateful my parents didn't treat me and my sister the same. She always had a curfew, she sometimes had issues keeping it, but if she didn't have one who knows what time of day she would have come home. Me on the other hand, i never had a curfew. I didn't need one, I got myself home at a reasonable time. If I was going to be later than usual, I called and told my mom.

Basically, i know this isn't one of my more eloquent and well thought out entries, but it's whats on my mind. One thing I've learned in life is that people are all the same. We have the same needs. We need food, water, shelter. Above everything else, we need love.

Once we learn how we are all the same, we can understand how we are all different. And that is when we can start learning how to love each other. That is when the fear will leave. Cause thats usually what it boils down to.

And one more thing I've learned. Pure love will always cast out fear.

No matter what.

In the last few weeks I've had multiple friends come to me with multiple problems. I love that they trust me and know that I won't judge, cause a lot of Mormons have this judging and gossiping problem. I've learned something incredible through all of this.

I thought I understood how love worked, ya know, as much as any 21 year old whose never been in love could have. I was completely wrong.

There is absolutely no way to comprehend the Savior's love for us, or the Fathers love for us. It is wonderful and good they are.

As my friends have been coming to me there have been times where I have thought "I would give anything to take away this pain. Anything at all." And it's true, I would give my life, I would take their trials on me if I could. But I can't. I love them so much, and all I can do is hold them. But I can't take there trials on myself.

And then it hit me.

That is exactly what the Savior did for us. He was the only one who could. And he loved us so much that he went to Gethsemane and atoned for us. He was the only one who could take all of our trials. Not just our sins, but our heartaches, our trials, our pain, our sorrows our everything. He took every last bit of it on himself and suffered beyond anything we can imagine. And because of that, we can become whole. Through every heartache, and every time we mess up; it isn't fire and brimstone and Damnation to Hell. It's "My child, I love you. No matter what mistakes you make. I love you. Through all the trials I am here waiting to help you and life you up. If you can turn your pain over to me, I am here. I love you no matter what."

I can't believe how incredible the goodness of our God is. How no matter who I am, what I've done. He loves me no matter what. I can not even imagine it. I have to step back and ask myself "Could I?" If there was someone who was cursing my name, who hurt someone I love, who was making terrible mistakes. Could I look at them and say "I love you. I am waiting to help you." I don't think I could with everybody, I am still that natural man.

But I know that there are many people I do know I could say that too. "You've been given this trial. But I still know you. And I love you no matter what."

I'm not perfect, no where near it. So I would just like to publicly proclaim how much I love my Lord and Savior. How grateful I am for every gift and trial they have given me. How when I start doubting anything, they are still there. When I can't do it anymore, they are ready to take me pains as soon as I give them over to them. I do not deserve the love they give me. I pray to learn to a love like that for everyone, not just my friends and family.

It is wonderful. And I love my Lord and Savior. And they love you too. If you listen very close, you will hear them tell you, and you feel everyday, anytime you need it. "I love you no matter what."

seat belt fastened.

I'm sorry it's been so long. And I've even had some good thoughts lately, but it's remembering them long enough to come post.

I've had a lot going on. And I wasn't okay for a few weeks there, i was constantly freaking out in my head, I was anxious and I was feeling so inadequate in so many aspects of life.

I finally had a complete melt-down a few weeks ago.

But I'm doing better now. I've got some amazing friends and a very supportive family.

At one point i decided I needed to let my best friend back in, I've kind of subconsciously been closing random people out. I didn't want anyone to know how messed up I was. But I had cut off one of my best friends. I mean, we still chatted and talked on a daily basis, but I was trying to not let anyone see the hurt and confusion i was going through. And right now, selfish as it is, the last thing i need to do is distance myself from people, especially best friends. So I went over to his place and dumped a lot of crap on him. And he listened. he made me feel better.

then the next day we had seminaries, and i got to go almost all day. :) IT WAS AMAZING!!!! I love being able to go to the seminaries. And i somehow managed to spit water in my own face, still trying to figure that one out.

That sunday, ELDER HOLLAND CAME AND SPOKE AT THE SPECTRUM!!!! it was pretty amazing. i got to sing in the choir for it.

Basically, life has been full of adventures, but I think I've finally got my seat belt more secure. Instead of hanging onto the safety bar for dear life, afraid of dying or drowning.

I'm taking it one day at a time, and all my old problems are still here, but I've been given some perspective and a little bit of courage to go forward.

And i've been given laughter. The ability to laugh with my friends. and we laugh a lot, we have a wonderful time together, always. I cannot believe these incredible, wonderful weird-o's that I call my friends. I am so grateful to them, and the smiles they always bring me.