22 years of gratitude.

In honor of the ever cliche' tradition of being grateful this time of year, I wanted to post a very sincere list of things I am incredibly grateful for.

Since I've had 23 Thanksgivings, I think I'll make a list of 23 things I'm grateful for.

1. The education I've received since coming to school. I don't mean just in classes. I've learned a ton from being in multiple majors. I've learned a ton from having several roommates. I've learned from the number of different jobs I've had. I've learned from the countless friends I've had. I've learned from the callings I've had. I've learned from the blessings I've had, and I've learned from the trials I've had. I have received an amazing education the lat 5 years, and I hope to keep learning.

2. Music. I am so grateful for music. I'm grateful I was able to be a music major for the 3 semesters I was. I am grateful I have parents who are musical and taught me a love of music from a very young age. I love they taught me to love Handel's Messiah. I love that I've been singing as long as I've been talking. I love that music speaks when words fail. I am so grateful I've had the opportunities to appreciate music that I don't necessarily enjoy. I can not imagine life without music. It doesn't exist.

3. Old food. It means I had enough to eat that I could not finish it, and therefore had food for the next day. I am grateful that I've almost always been able to have left overs.

4. I am grateful for the Gospel in my life. It brings me joy and comfort and peace. It has sometimes been the only thing I had to hold onto. And I was sometimes holding on by the very tip of my fingernails. But it didn't move.

5. Family. As crazy as they can make me. I'm glad they are mine.

6. The hat and scarf my grandma made me. I just like them. And she made them, so they are even cooler.

7. The opportunity to sing at USU, especially under Dr. Evans. This is the first semester in the history of my life that I am not singing in a choir. Since my 3rd day of college I have sung with the choirs at USU either in Choral or Chambers. And I was able to sing under Dr. Evans, who is awesome. And funny. And I was able to learn a lot from him. I conduct my choir at church now, and I pretty much do what I learned from Dr. Evans, and my father. But a lot from Dr. Evans. The choirs at USU are amazing, and I am so glad I get to be part of them again next semester.

8. The fact that even though they sometimes barely run, I always have a car. And I can get where I need to.

9. Play Theory. I've needed a place to go play and it be a safe place. I have so much fun. I laugh so hard. And I've made some awesome friends. I love play theory.

10. A bed. I didn't have a bed this summer. I love having a bed to sleep in.

11. Institute. I love Institute. You meet amazing people and learn amazing things.

12. The fact that I have made some of my dearest friends in the last few months. They really have no idea how much they have done for me. I've needed friends like them. There are literally no words to express my gratitude for them and the kindness and acceptance they've extended to me. They are wonderful, wonderful people.

13. The opportunity to be the maid of honor for my friend Shararea at her wedding. It was so wonderful to see her again after so many years, and I felt privileged that she wanted to share her special day with me.

14. The fact that my friends are some of the biggest nerds you will ever meet. But it makes them who they are and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Plus, nerds just have more fun.

15. The fact that I have been able to meet, and know some of the coolest people on planet earth. Seriously. I know the coolest people ever!

16. A job. it is an interesting, and sometimes incredibly difficult job. But I am grateful for it and am trying to learn as much as I can from it.

17. Doctor Who. Sometimes, you just need a show that you love and is full of fun.

18. that my little sister is serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm glad she made the choice to serve and is doing good work. I also think it will help her grow up a lot.

19. Aggie Ice cream...if you've never had it...you don't understand.

20.E-mail. Making it easier to communicate with people.

21. Stars. have you ever just looked up at the stars and absorbed the grandure of it all? I love being able to look up at the night sky and see how incredible it all is. I'm also a fan of stargazing.

22. Laughter. Sometimes, you just need to laugh. And life starts to get better than it was.

23. Writing. That we have a way to communicate, not just with speaking. And not just straight forward, but the fact that we can play with writing so many different ways. It is incredible to me.

So there is this years gratitude list. May you all find something to be grateful for. We truly do have so much.

When Mandy Gets Angry

So, last week, I got angry.

Like, really angry.

I don't know if I've gotten that angry since I moved out to college.

A lot of it ended up being petty. And it built up because of a lot of things.

But it made me ponder my anger and the different levels of it.

Not a lot of people know this, but I actually had major anger issues as a child. I've actually kicked both my sisters into walls before. But I grew up and started learning how to not let myself get angry. Or when I do get angry, how to keep it under control.

So when I got so angry last week, I decided to try and figure out why I was so angry. I just learned about emotions recently in one of my classes and so I've started trying to figure mine out.

*Disclaimer, I know this is actually probably common, but it was a major epiphany for me.

When I am angry, I am almost never actually angry. It is some other emotion. There have been times that I have been angry, and that was the emotion. But usually that is only if someone is hurting someone I care about.

When I am angry I am usually at least one of two things.

Hurt or scared.

I don't mean physically hurt. I actually don't, typically, get angry when that happens. But if you make a cutting comment, or do something that hits an emotional nerve, that is when the anger starts. And the more hurt I am, the more angry I get.

And fear. If I'm afraid that you are going to see me hurt. Or if you are going to see me weak. Or if you are going to see me stupid. Or if you are going to see me scared. I will usually cover that with anger. I think partly because a lot of people have said they get scared when they see me angry, and so I have control over some kind of fear.

To note, the reason a lot of people say they get scared when they see me angry, is partly because I rarely let people see me angry. I try to be the happy, supportive person around people. part of me learning to control my anger was learning to walk away when I started getting angry.

I wanted to start figuring out why I was angry. I knew I had a very short, fast, high temper and I started realizing that really stupid things would set me off.

Not bad for an 18 year old, right?

So if I started getting upset, I would leave. I would go put myself in time out, as it were. So that I could calm down.

Now that I've gotten that part down, I started trying to figure out why my anger levels would be so different.

I would get frustrated, and I do get frustrated quite a lot, but I also let it go fairly quickly. And I'm even starting to learn how to not let things get to me as much.

But when I get really angry, one, I have left people long before. Not cause I think I'd hurt anyone, but because I don't want people to see how angry I actually can get. But two, it stays and I get incredibly defensive and aggressive.

And I finally figured out, it's because I want to cause the pain before someone sees that I'm hurt or scared of it.

I don't mean physical pain. I just know how people work enough to say down right mean things. And if you corner me when I'm angry, I will say every mean and below the belt comment I can come up with. And I know where people are insecure.

Knowing people is good and bad.

I could easily mess with peoples emotions in a negative way.

But here is where the cool part is.

I don't want to.

I don't want people to hurt. I don't want to get angry. I do not like being angry.

Which is why I'm trying so hard to figure out why I get angry. So that in the future I can break it down and figure out if I'm hurting, what is hurting and how can I fix it. Or if I'm scared, what am I scared of and how can I face it.

This world is already full of negative, why add my anger to it?

I'm just glad I'm learning how to figure these things out.

I am do something good.

So. I work at an eating disorder facility, and first I need to take a moment to brag. I don't do this often but I am very proud of my work last night.

I am the cook and I have to get dinner out for all of the clients and direct care staff by a certain time. I also have to have things prepared into the correct portion sizes, set the table, and prep breakfast food.

And I do not make easy food.

Last night I made Au Gratin potatoes (two pans, from scratch), Chicken Cordon bleu, steamed veggies, vanilla bread pudding (which mostly just needed to bake. But I had ONE average sized oven in which to do all this.), prep the melon salad for this morning (six melons in total), set the table, prepare seperate things for our full vegetarians, half vegetarians, and our celiac. I also served a total of 17 people last night.

I did this in 2 hours and 15 minutes.

That is not easy to do.

So, the thing that really made my night last night was after I joined the girls for dinner. As the cook I am the last person to eat. I have to make sure all the girls are plated, and then direct care staff, and also make sure that the kitchen is cleaned up enough and the dishwasher is empty so that girls can take care of their dishes after dinner.

Then I can eat.

If it is a night where we are serving dessert, then I also can't plate until after the girls have dessert.

Last night was one of those nights. And the fact that it was dessert night made the following comment make me feel even better about myself.

So, I decided when I started work that I would always refer to the girls as "lovely Ladies" (Not the Les Mis kind, but as an actual comment to these girls). I know they have self image issues, one because they are teenage girls and two they are at a treatment facility for girls with eating disorders. Not hard to figure it out.

So whenever I call down for them to come to dinner I always yell "All right Lovely Ladies, it's time for dinner!", and when I write up on the whiteboard, which is every meal, I always write "Good evening Lovely Ladies."

Point being, I make a conscious effort to call them lovely.

I assumed this fell on deaf ears.

I also have been stressed and having a hard time at work because one, I'm the cook so I already am not the girls favorite person; but also the direct care hasn't been very appreciative of my efforts to make sure dinner is out on time. WHICH IS HARD TO DO AND I BUST MY BUTT TO GET IT OUT!

But mostly I just felt like I haven't really been doing a great job and that the girls didn't like me, and just stressed because it is a hard job.

So after I sit down and I start eating, one of the girls turns around and looks at me and says "We were just talking about how we like you because you always call us Lovely Ladies."

To which I responded, "Well you are lovely ladies, and I never lie."

But what she doesn't know is how incredible that comment made me feel.

They have noticed that I always call them lovely, and they appreciate it. I am doing SOMETHING good. I wanted this job to try and be a positive influence on the girls and I just felt like I had been falling short.

But now I know that whenever I work, they are going to be called lovely, and they notice it.

My job now just seems so much better than it did two days ago.

Happy Halloween!

Apparently I am the only student on campus who remembered it was Halloween. Or else maybe everyone who isn't an art major just didn't dress up. I'm seeing that as a major possibility. At least over in the arts side of campus people don't look at you weird when you dress up for Halloween.

The depressing part of my costume? I can't wear it to work today. :(

I was trying so hard to find something I could wear to work, because I work in a kitchen, right? So I can't pull out my usual costumes because they involve wearing or carrying large pieces of cardboard, or wearing a shoe on my head, or things like that.

No, I've not had a normal costume since 7th grade.

So I am finally like "GOT IT!" (this is probably the worst executed costume I've had in the last 7 years) I am a Freshman's (college) Diet! I've got ramen, and cereal, and pop tarts, and peanut butter, and fruit snaks and fast food, etc., wrappers taped all over my shirt.

I thought it was brilliant.

Until I realized I can't wear it to work. Because I'm not even allowed to say the word "diet" at work. (it's emotionally loaded language and actually makes a lot of sense). So if I can't even say the word, How I'm I suppose to dress up as a diet? I could actually get in a lot of trouble.

This is why i wish i could have pulled off my assault and battery costume (dress up as a salt shaker and tape batteries all over yourself) But I lacked the resources. Making it incredible difficult.

So I guess I'll go around my boring campus and pretend like people are cool enough to dress up.

The nice part, is I don't actually care that I am the weirdo walking around with wrappers taped to me. I guess that means I've come a long way since Jr. High. I am literally the only person in this lab remotely close to being dressed up and I'm just thinking about how boring everyone else is and not about how stupid I actually look.

So yeah, basically. Dress up for Halloween. It's more fun that way.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!!

Well, at least I got two posts in this month.

Right, so...it's been awhile...

Here is my excuse, mid-terms, new employment, wedding in Minnesota, not enough time to sit down and process much of anything. Especially process it enough to for an actual blog post out of it.

So, sorry.

But at least I got 2 whole posts in this month.

Just for a little bit of catch up, I don't remember if I told you about my small group communication class and how our first presentation was a presentation on the "best date" and we were competing for the A grade. Only one A would be given out, the next group would get an A- and so on so forth down to a B+.

Well my group decided that everyone should go on a part of the date and take pictures for our slide show, so that we actually have some credibility to claim this as the best date.

Here is a picture if me and my friend Charles, who said he would go with me.

(P.S. I'm a little bit proud of taking that picture without making it look completely obvious that I took that picture. Also, my portion of the date was "star gazing.) if you would like to see our video about the best date, leave a comment and I can send you the link to the youtube video that we made for class.

Anyway, WE TOTALLY GOT THE A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty stoked about it. We worked hard and so I'm pretty excited.

I mentioned that I have a job now. I am a cook at an eating disorder treatment facility. It is an interesting job. We make really good food. But it is interesting and kind of hard to go from people literally begging you to cook to people refusing to eat your food. I don't take it personally, but seeing the looks on their faces when they have food in front of them is just heartbreaking. But it is a good job and I am learning a lot.

I also worked Little Haunts down at the park again, which was way fun, and if you want proof I know the coolest people ever, here is a picture of us in our uniforms.

Yes, I do have a picture where we aren't all laughing, but I think this one is more fun. And no, we do not have a pirate amongst us, he is a privateer.

The next week i went out to Minnesota for my friend Sharaea's wedding. (I think i may have even spelled her name right.) We have been friends since we were 8 years old and she asked me to be her Maid of Honor, so I was. It was so interesting and fun to see her again and also just to go back to Minnesota. Where it is cold. Period.

I also shamelessly flirted with the DJ the entire reception and it was just a ton of fun, because we both pretty much didn't know anyone but the bride and groom, and the brides family.

Now I'm back in Logan and life seems to be settling back in to some form of stable abnormal. I think I even have my Halloween costume for tomorrow and I'm excited to put it together.

I also have a goal to post more than 2 times in the month of November.

Happy Halloween everyone!

...Baby steps?

So remember how I was starting to actually have all these good habits? Like reading my textbooks, or keeping my room clean, or studying.

Well...that lasted only a good tow weeks.

We now look at the last two weeks when I forgot to take a quiz, didn't clean my room for a whole week (if you know me, you know my room can get Katrina-ish [as in that hurricane that hit New Orleans when I was in Jr. High] in a matter of days.)

And now it's the day before a presentation and an hour before my test...what did I do last night?

I listened to Charles give me the rough draft version of the story he is writing...BUT IT WAS SO GOOD!!! I'm excited to see it turn into the full story.

...and now I know remember nothing about the first four chapters of interpersonal communication...

And it's not like I didn't have time to study. I had plenty of time, I just didn't manage my time well.

So...I guess here are the baby steps to where Mandy is actually improving.

1. I cleaned my room yesterday instead of letting it get worse and worse until Fall Break comes around.

2. I'm owning up to the fact that it's my own dang fault that I haven't accomplished my school work and not making up lame excuses.

3. I make my bed almost every morning. (Mom, aren't you so proud? I finally learned after 22 years of life!)

4. I'm starting to take ownership of my feelings. I'm learning less and less to allow someone to "make me angry" Instead of saying "you make me angry" I try to say " I am angry" and then attribute some of the reasons to the person.

5. I'm owning that I have feelings, and I'm trying to inch towards actually sharing them with people. (seriously, you have no idea how big of a deal this actually is. I don't do well with vulnerability.)

I'm sure there are a few more, like I'm trying to do less negative self talk and even working on some positive self talk.

The big thing is that I am aware I am a different person than I was a year ago, and I'm hoping that I'm becoming a better one day by day, just with little baby steps in the right direction.

Why you should ask questions.

It was a Saturday morning like any other Saturday morning...

I woke up later than i do during the week, and decided "yeah, I should probably clean my room and kitchen today." So I go to the kitchen to eat a light breakfast. A lovely, yummy peach.

As I start making my bed I get a phone call from Charles. He wanted to know if I wanted to join him, Ham (the son of the people he is living with), Syd (Sam's fiance) and their friend Cody on a hike. I'm all "yeah, I'd love to."

I LOVE hiking, hiking does not love me.

So I get dressed and get over to their place.

Ham told Charles they were hiking up to a Lake, Charles assumed it was a light hike, which is what he told me.

For your information, if you tell me "light hike" I'm gonna think you mean like a 1 1/2 mile hike like the wind caves.

Charles assumed it was going to be like a 3 mile light hike up to a lake.

Want to know what it really was?...

5 1/2 miles up the side of a freaking mountain to a lake.

one way.

So we start hiking. And again, I'm the slowest hiker in the world. So Charles, being the kind soul that he is, stayed behind with me. As we get farther and farther behind.

4 1/2 hours later we are almost to the end of the trail (we know because we bumped into another hiker) I am almost completely out of energy because all i had to eat all day was a peach. My stomach starts to cramp up, and since we are so close (as in like...3/4 of a mile to the end) Charles goes ahead to meet up with the rest of our group so that he or them can come back with some food for me and also to let them know that we are not dead.

After he leaves I take a rest on a rock for like 5 minutes, then move to the next rock...then the next...stopping at each one for about 5 minutes. Around rock four is when I threw up on the side of the trail...but that gave me a surprising amount of energy, and I was able to keep going along the trail. I thought I was going to make it to the end and then I saw that I had to go pretty much up the side of a ridge...I said "not happening bro." and waited for everyone else to come back.

So that's the end of the story, right? WRONG! Now I have to hike back the 5 miles I've come.

and again we get far behind everyone, because I'm slow and out of shape. But about a mile- two miles before the end of the trail, we come across the nicest human beings on the planet. They were riding their horses up their and the man got off his horse and let me ride it to the end of the trail.

Seriously, nicest humans EVER!

But of course then I was also saddle sore.

It was really funny to watch me try and walk Sunday. I was so stiff, but I had to keep laughing about it because there was really nothing else to do. It was just to funny.

Moral of the story? Make sure you ask questions and KNOW what you are getting yourself into BEFORE you go on a hike. Your life will probably be infinitely better.

Life is good.

Life is good.

I don't know the last time I said that and actually meant it.

I'm doing well in classes, I have a job that will pay me $9 an hour and I think I am going to love it.

I even went on a date last night.

The stars were so pretty, as was Tony's Grove.

I still have other issues I'm working on, but life is good again.

I'm so excited fall is here, I need to find apples so I can make pies and crisp. and stargazing with one blanket to share it never a bad thing...:)

I just like being happy again. I love seeing the good again. I'm sad that I spent a year so blind to the wonders around me.

I have dear friends who say nice things about me, in ways that I'll actually listen.

Life is good.

Piece by piece, putting it together.

Guys, I think I may have this student thing down...

I had a paper due yesterday, guess when it was finished? Wednesday.

I haven't forgotten an on-line quiz yet. I am ahead on my reading, and I am starting on my next assignment for class...

Do you know how much stress that takes away?

I also have made myself a bedtime, I'm trying this new thing where I have regular sleep hours to see if it helps me sleep any better. I am now in bed before or at the latest 11:00pm and I am out of bed before 8 in the morning, usually closer to seven because I have classes. and guess what, I think it's working. I've been waking up less in the middle of the night.

I also, this week, started hiking my butt up Old Main hill instead of being lazy and taking the shuttle. My legs hate me, but it helps wake me up for class. I also went on a walk with an old roommate yesterday. I really am slowly trying to get physical activity back into my life.

I've also opened my scriptures four days in a row, and last night I even read 3 chapters. I didn't retain very much, but I read them. I am also trying to get morning prayers back into my life.

I am cooking meals again...well...if I have somebody else around that will help me eat food. But It does leave me leftovers, and even when I have no one else to cook for I still have more veggies in my life.

I know these seem like really small things to a lot of people, but for me, especially after this last year, these are huge milestones. Like mega milestones. The fact that I am putting more effort back into my appearance. The fact that I opened my scriptures. The fact that I generally am okay with being around people. The fact that I hike my butt up Old Main multiple times a day, or that I am actually sleeping. These are such good things.

And I am happier. I have felt better, mentally, the last 2 months than I have in over a year. I have people who are pleasant to be around. I have several dear friends who have said very nice things to me, and I am not sure they know just how much those kind words mean to me and how much I've needed them. I wish I was better at expressing my gratitude for them.

I'm nowhere near where I want to be mentally, physically, or spiritually, but I am finally starting to make steps in the right direction instead of just being stuck stagnant and even digressing a little bit. And progress feels good. I am so grateful that I am finally, slowly, putting my life back together.

Starting my fifth year.

So, yeah, I know it's been awhile. So...yeah. Starting school will do that to you.

So, starting my fifth year of school, I'm now down to 3 classes, as I was asked to leave the Utah State University Chamber Singers. Crushed, devastated, and heartbroken do not begin to describe what I felt when I was asked to leave. But I'm not bitter. Dr. Evans needs to do what is best for the choir, and I intend to attend every concert of theirs.

I had a job offer, and then I turned it down because it just didn't feel right, so i'm really hoping I can find something in the next few weeks, or else the adventures of Mickey D's may be returning soon to a theatre near you.

Labor Day weekend, I worked Saturday down at This is the Place. I'd only been gone a week and I missed it. But it was fun to be back in Salt Lake. Charles and I drove down and we crashed with Jim and Heather. I love being with their family. I miss families.

On Labor Day I went with Charles and his family friends up to Bear Lake. I'VE BEEN SAILING!!!! It was so much fun!!! And then I got really cold, because it's me. and that's what happens.

Then this most recent weekend, we went back down to salt Lake. Charles was participating in this awesome event called "Mastering Knighthood". Basically he got to sword fight with children all day and make them feel awesome! how cool is that?

I went to brunch with Kelton, I miss his face, but I'm so glad he is doing so well down in Salt Lake.

Heather gave me a haircut too and let me borrow her curling iron, so I did my hair for once, and according to Charles it looked very nice.

And now we are back up in Logan, you are caught up with the major events (which is funny, because they really all seam so trivial. But they are my life. I guess life is made of trivial things.)

And I have class in 25 minutes, so I need to go.

Picking up where we left off.

So last week, on Friday, I went down to Lehi to catch up with an old friend. We were best friends in high school and hadn't chatted in a long time.

It was so fun!

It was my first experience with just picking up where you left off.

I think we both planned on chatting 1 maybe 2 hours. 4 hours later, I was heading home. And we just talked about life and everything in it.

This friend is recently divorced, so we talked about that.

We talked about a lot of crap that I've been through in the last year.

We talked about the good we've both had.

We talked about old friends.

We talked about where we thought we were going to be by now, and where we've actually ended up.

We realized that we've been friends for 1/3 of our lives.

It was just fun to catch up.

And then at the end of the night we decided we want to chat more often, stay more connected. So we came up with this rule. If one of us texts or facebooks the other, we have to respond within a week.

That seemed reasonable and realistic.

Basically, it was great to be with a friend and realize that something, good and bad, never change.

Going to bed with a smile

So yes, this is the first chance I've had to write here since Wednesday.

Wednesday was awesome! The most fun I've had in a very long time.

I went to Karaoke with co-workers and my sister.

So we get there and me and my sister sing "What is this feeling?" From Wicked, which we rocked, p.s.

We just had a great crowd, which really makes a difference, it was our group of like...7 people and a group of 4 by the end of the night, and those four were AWESOME! They were just there to have a good time.

I buy myself a burger while there, because I think they are wonderful and full of happy goodness. When they bring me my check, as I reach for my wallet Charles just slides my check out of my hand and pays for my dinner for me. Because he is an awesome person like that.

I sing with Charles later in the night. We sang a duet, we sang "All I ask of you" from Phantom. Which, p.s., I popped out that high A with absolutely no breathe support. It wasn't the prettiest I've ever sung it, but I did hit.

I also sing "One Fine Day", and the other group of people who were there, they would switch off back up dancing with the other people in their group. While I'm singing, Kim notices them dancing at their table, so she says "go up and back up dance for her." Them- "Will she mind?" Kim- " absolutely not." Them- they run up to the stage and start back up dancing for me. Followed by Charles. Me, I start laughing while I try to keep singing. I manage to get it back together by the next verse.

Me and Kim do the cup song from "Pitch Perfect", with the cups I might add, yeah, we're that cool.

Later I get up and I do "All that Jazz" from Chicago. And do I own it? Of course I do. I move my hips all over and being as seductive as this little Molly Mormon knows how to on an empty stage with no props and staying family appropriate. Jim hands Charles his fedora and Charles comes up to the side of the stage and starts fanning me with the hat, which I then take from him and start dancing with. Jim at one point gets on the floor and starts holding up a dollar bill, SO MUCH FUN!!!!!

It was just one of those nights where all the stars align and it is one of the greatest nights I've had in very long time. I went to bed with a smile on my face, just being grateful I could have life for nights like these. Where nothing amazing and spectacular happened. Just a fun night with friends and family doing something we all love.

Those are the nights I go to bed with a smile on my face. And I love them.

One of those moments when I get it.

So, here I am, sitting on a Sunday, and realize something that I love about the doctrine of my Church. For anyone who may have missed the memo, or just does not know, I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. More commonly known as "the mormons."

Now before I begin on something I love about the doctrine of my faith, I want to clarify that I am NOT TELLING ANYONE ELSE THAT THEY ARE WRONG IF THEY DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE. Do we got that? I do not believe that I am the end all, be all of theological knowledge. (If I was, we would be in a lot of trouble, because I don't know a lot). I am merely stating something I love, and something that makes sense to me about what I believe to be true.

Someone or something that I was listening to today mentioned something about "being saved" (I think it was on tv while my roommate was watching and I wasn't paying attention, which is why I can't give more context) Now, in my faith, when you "are saved" it doesn't mean that you just accept Jesus into your heart, although that is part of it. It's about accepting him into your life AND THEN DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. In order to be saved, you must accept him, and his love, AND live by his commandments. Which, when you understand them, bring you more happiness than you could imagine. (and P.S. you never understand them all the time either. There is just trust you have to live on when other ones have made sense...at least if you are me.)

Him saving you was ALL about his love for YOU, as a person, an individual. But, just saying you accept him isn't enough. After all, actions speak louder than words. We are expected to become perfect, like unto Christ. We are expected to live as him. We can't just say we believe and then do what we want. Isn't that great?

But it gets better.

He knew that being perfect was not going to happen right off the bat. He KNEW we were going to make mistakes. He KNOWS we are human, so he atoned for us so that we could repent and make it right. He provided us a way to learn from our choices and we can make our mistakes and stumblings and shortcomings a true thing of the past. We can move on and grow a little better than before. And there is nothing we can do that he won't help us come back from. Nothing.

But it gets better.

He gave us a CHOICE. We get to choose whether or not we want to follow him or not. We are not forced to do anything. Choosing to follow him doesn't always make anything easier,but for me at least, it can help it make sense. It also helps me remember there is so much more than I can see and understand. And in all of this, he gave ALL of us the choice to follow after him or not. He gave us the choice to BELIEVE in him or not. Our choice, which means we are responsible for them, but I literally CAN NOT put any blame on anyone else for MY choices.

But it gets better.

Even if you choose not to follow him, he still loves you. HE STILL LOVES YOU!!!!!!!! More than you could ever possible imagine. More than is possible for you to comprehend. He loves you. YOU! Whoever you are reading this, HE LOVES YOU!!! And there is literally nothing, NOTHING, you can do to EVER change that. No matter what you do EVER, he will love you and want you to be happy.

I think that's one reason why I love my faith so much, it is a message of love. It is a message of hope. I would never survive somewhere where I was told that my Father in Heaven and his son could stop loving me. Told that I would never measure up. I am told on a weekly basis at church how much he loves us.

And if I can't seem to get anything else right in what he's told me to do, I hope I can get that one down.

To love. No matter what.

I love that love is infinite. That the more I give, the more I seem to have to give away. Just loving people makes life easier. It makes life better. Remembering that people are people and they make mistakes, and they are trying to figure out life, just like I am. They are doing the best they know how. And if I can know that, maybe we can figure things out together, share the burden.

Loving isn't easy. In fact, if you want to stay guarded don't allow yourself to love anyone. Because the people you love most will hurt you most. Because they are the ones you care about. But, oh, I believe that loving is worth it. I'm so much happier when I feel love from my friends and family.

When I feel that love, I feel like I can make it one more day. I feel like I can take the blind step into the dark. It's easier to face every storm.

Because that's how I understand it works, that's why I want to learn to love others. Maybe I can help them make it one more day.

I Love that I am expected to work for my salvation. It helps make me a better person. And maybe, I can help someone else with their ride through life.

It's like He knows what he's doing up there or something. :)

...That was an interesting week.

So...lets start with last Saturday. I worked all day, then went on a date to see Lone Ranger. A group of co-workers were going and one of my co-workers asked if he could take me.

and I had a lot of fun, so I said that I would give him another date.

After the movie was over, and dinner was over, I drove up to Tremonton, where my family was. Woke up Sunday, went to church, hung out with the family.

Got up early Monday...went to work. I was on vignettes during the day and then train conducting for the private event we had that night.

I was at work for 12 hours.

Then I drove back up to Tremonton.

I was tired.

The next day my little sister went through the temple for the first time. (It's part of LDS ordinances, and it's kind of a big deal.)

Wednesday, I get up early and drive back down to work. Conduct the trains all day. Do a "We came to Zion" that night. Lost my wallet. Find my wallet. Get back to Tremonton. (Keep in mind that I am beyond tired at this point.)

Thursday, we go around Logan. I GOT ME SOME AGGIE ICE CREAM!!!!! I freaking love me some Aggie ice cream. Richard got a job!

Friday morning, get up early. Drive to Salt Lake. Work in the Saddelry, mom and Rachel came to visit the park that day before heading back to Texas.

Saturday, Work...we had 3 family reunions, a fun run, a trek, a we came to zion, a wedding, and the general public. One of the reunions was the Jospeh Smith Sr. Family reunion...1200 confirmed guests. I got moved to trains, in addition to doing the random we came to Zion in the middle of the day. (Which they were an HOUR LATE FOR!!!!!! RUDE!!!) Then stayed late to help conduct an extra train.

Sunday...last night was my second date with Brent...let me tell you the quickest way to almost kill all chances of getting another date with me...Text me to let me know you are here...it's like honking. You just don't do it.

He is a nice guy, but nothing there.

So yeah...that was Mandy's interesting week.

Overview of the last week...really that's all it is.

So, this last week I had Monday and Tuesday off, these things happen. But Monday I got up at 5 in the lovely AM to go to work because Big Buddah was coming. He works at Fox 13, so does my friend Kelton. So I mention to Buddah that he should tell Kelton to answer a text message and we need to play. I mentioned this thinking he would say it back at the station....

...He didn't...

He instead decided to day it on-air, live. So it's not like I could do anything about it. It was just funny.

I then went home and took a long nap, the night before had been one of those nights where I didn't sleep. Then wake up and I watched 7 hours of criminal minds. This is a show that fascinates and disturbs me. But I can't seem to stop watching it. I also feel like I should have been way more scared to go to bed than I was.

Fast forward to Wednesday...Pioneer Day...the 166 anniversary of the Pioneers entering the Salt Lake Valley. And the second busiest day at the park. We had roughly 3,000 guests that day alone. So many people...I was on the news again. Fox 13 again, in fact. For like...30 seconds. They had me and April in our crowns. (It was technically the last day of our reign.) While Cliff talked about the various activities going on around the village.

After getting off work, me and Kim head down to Mapleton, to see some cousins, but mostly to see my family when they get in. My little brother is moving out here to school and I don't see my family very often, so I do what I need to to see them when they get into town. I was also REALLY tired the next day. ( I didn't get home till after midnight, and I had to be up at like...7 ish. And pioneer hangover day isn't always very fun at work, all the pioneers are just tired.)

Fast forward again to Saturday. So Saturday night I am suppose to leave from work to go up to Tremonton to spend time with the family. Except that I got asked on a date to the movie that a bunch of Co-workers were going to. I don't care what anyone says Lone Ranger was AWESOME!!!!! And it's even cooler when you go dressed up in pioneer clothes.

So this is the second date I have been on in the last two years. (The last date I went on was Brighams Ball, and the last one before that was 2 years ago...and it...yeah...it's its own story...)

Brent, from work, took me to the movie, we then had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen and then I drove to Tremonton, getting in around midnight.

But it was a really fun date actually. He was very much a gentleman, and we get a long really well. We are going on another date next week, after my family is out of town. I doubt this is going to go very far, because quite frankly, I don't think I will ever see him as more than a friend. But it was just a lot of fun.

So there is a quick catch up from Mandy's life.

Brother Brigham's Ball

So, remember my post a about a year ago? Entitled a "A ball gown". Talking about my ball gown, ya know the one where my bosses are incredible and wonderful and amazing and got me the gown last year? If you need a reminder on what it looked like here it is.

So this year, I, once again, know the greatest human beings on the planet. Planning on just borrowing from the closet. My friend Amber, up in Logan, asks if she can make me a ball gown. I told her I couldn't pay her. She didn't care, she just wanted to make me a ball gown. Wouldn't even let me pay her materials. I did make her rice crispy treats, because she loves them and I knew she wouldn't say no.

Here's the problem, She lives in Logan, right? So she could fit the dress to me. So when she brings it to me, the top doesn't fit quite right. But of course I have the greatest co-workers on the face of the earth. So April takes a look at it, and takes it in a little and adjusts the sleeves for me, right? Well...the neckline was still just a little to low for Mandy's taste. So I ask her if I bought some more material if she could maybe sew it into the neck line and help me make a sash to tie around my waste.

The problem, I wasn't able to get the fabric and her into the same location until the day before the ball. When April had really no free time. So she asks Tate if he can take a look at my dress for me. I show him the yellow and cream fabric. and say I just want a cream sash and the yellow fabric in the neck line. Then my lunch is over and I head back to my site.

By the time work is over he has finished the neck line, where he sewed in the yellow...but then sewed lace over the top and hand stitched some beading around the entire neckline. (I know he didn't have time for that). IT WAS SO PRETTY!! The only reason I didn't buy lace for my dress was because lace is expensive. Because there was now white on the top, he asked if he could make the sash yellow instead because it would help bring out the yellow on top. Which I agreed. He said he'd make the sash that night when he got home. I was still stuck on how pretty the neck line was. Then I side mention how I wish I had a small bag or purse that I could carry my phone, wallet and camera in while at the dance so that I didn't have to take my whole bag. Jen had one she was going to let me borrow, but it didn't really match. Tate says, well I could probably make you one...but I don't know if I want to make one with the cream fabric because it gets dirty and stays dirty.

I'm thinking, that's cool. I wasn't asking for him to make me a reticule, (I learned what it was called...not how it was spelled.) And I'd figure it out the next day.

Next day comes, I see my dress and it has the sash, and a yellow reticule, lined with my cream satin and the same beading stitched across the top.

I have the best co-workers ever. 2 years in a row they went out of their way to make sure my dress was as pretty as possible.

Then, one of me and my date.

One of the girls in their dresses.

One of Tate, because he is amazing.

Things I get to say i've done

So I work at a pioneer park, right? I get to do a lot of cool things because of this.

For example, last summer, I was crowned Pageant Royalty for a Pioneer Pageant. Seriously, how many people are involved in pioneer pageants? Do you even know of any other pioneer pageants?

I've also learned how to pan for gold.

I've been getting good at learning how to crush iron pyrite without getting to many shards in your hand.

I took a donkey for a walk like it was a dog.

I've milked a goat while wearing a beauty pageant crown.

And the most recent one, I'm going on a date with a blacksmith.

We have our annual Brother Brighams Ball coming up this Saturday, and I was 100% sure I wasn't getting asked, and therefore was just planning on attending stag.

Then, Friday, I was moved from Brigs to conducting the train. As we make a stop outside brigs, Lane gets on the train. I ask him what he's doing down at Brigs, It's not exactly close to the main part of the village. (keep in mind that I do have guests on the train so I only have a few seconds here and there to talk to co-workers who get on the train, bug I have to keep the train going.) conversation went pretty much as follows.

(Lane gets on train.)

Me- Welcome aboard.

Him- thanks.

Me-(addressing the guests on the train.) If you look towards the front of the train you see, the front of the train. But just beyond that you'll see our Walk of Pioneer Faith. Now, contrary to popular belief Mormons were NOT the only faith to settle here in the Valley, there were actually several faiths that settles here. Each of these monuments has a plaque to represent each faith known to have been here at this time.

Me- (putting the mic down, talking to Lane) So, what brings you down to Brigs?

Lane- Actually, I was looking for you.

Me- Oh yeah?

Him- Yeah, I was wondering if you had been asked to the ball yet?

Me- I have not.

Him- Would you like to go with me?

Me- I'd love to go with you.

Me- (realizing that I need to get back to conducting. Here is the ironic part.) Just behind the Walk of faith we have our Garden Place, it is the newest building here at our park and it was built for the sole purpose of hosting events. We've had weddings, birthday party's, bar mitzvahs, corporate events, business parties, lazer tag competitions...okay, we haven't had that, but if you want to be the first, it'd be really cool. Also coming up next week we have our Brother Brighams Ball, you come dressed up in your pioneer best, if you don't have pioneer best come in whatever suits your fancy, and we have a pioneer dance and it is a lot of fun.

And that's the story of me getting asked to Brother Brigham's Ball. This will be the first date I've been on in 2 years, so I'm actually pretty excited.

Corps Encore and fourth of July adventures.

UGH! I LOVE CORPS ENCORE!!!!!

For those of you who have know idea what that is, it's a marching band competition associated with the DCI (Drum Corps International) Program. Some of, if not, the best marching bands this country has to offer.

Every summer they have a competition up and Weber State. I haven't been in four years.

It is SO AMAZING!!!!

Impulse was by far my favorite corps in the Open Class category was Impulse. They for sure had my favorite uniforms of the night, although closely followed by Vanguard. They had Aussies for their hats, and they are kind of my favorite marching hat. In the World Class Santa Clara Vanguard was my FAVORITE!!!!! Their show was Les Miserable's. And they had so many cool effects. UGH! I wish I had been allowed to record it. And sadly, I couldn't find anyone on youtube who recorded it and decided to put it up. sadface.

Seriously though, I recommend checking out www.dci.org to learn more about what they are all about.

Then the fourth, I woke up at 3 in the morning to a bunch of lightening. Was up for an hour and a half. Then got up at six thirty. Went to April's, where she did my hair for the Holiday. Went to work. Was stressed out and grumpy all day at work. (Not to any patrons thought, don't worry. Just mostly to myself).

After work I headed down to Saratoga Springs and spent the evening with Dani. Her neighbors were have a BBQ and setting off a bunch of fireworks. Arial fireworks are legal in Utah now, so looking across Utah Lake, you could see the entire Valley shooting off fireworks. All the way from Thanksgiving Point to Stadium of fire, and all the home owners in between setting off their fireworks.

Dani's poor dogs were scared out of their minds, which is why she left them inside in the kennel while we were outside. Then we went in to her one dog having gotten completely sick in her kennel. This is the same dog that has been sick for a few days. By this point Dani asked me if I just wanted to stay the night. (We had met at the Smiths and left my car there). So I crashed there with no toiletry items whatsoever.

I wake up to her letting the dogs out and on the phone with her husband. (I think part of why she wanted me to stay was he was out of town for work, but he should be back.) And she was in tears. Her dog had gotten worse, so I offered to go to the vet with her. (I knew she could use the moral support). After we get her dog taken care of, I get back to my car (around noon). I put gas in it and then I went through Coffee Creations drive through. And I got a frozen hot chocolate...I quite possibly love those things more than life itself. I'm sure a big reason why I love it so much is all the memories associated with it, but still...of the Gods.

Then, instead of being smart and just hopping on Redwood and taking Bangater to the freeway, I decided to drive through down town Lehi, thinking back to life there. My first place of employment, my first high school, the middle school I went to, where I bought the boutonniere for the one formal dance I went to in high school. I miss Lehi a lot, life was easier when I lived there. (A lot of that has to do with the fact that I was still in high school and not responsible for paying rent and stuff.)

I finally got home around 1, took a shower, and then a nap.

And that was my adventures for the last few days. Now just to survive work tomorrow. (I really do LOVE my job, I'm just really tired, mostly mentally wiped out, which sleep doesn't do much for.

My Summer Wish List

So, we all know that Mandy has heat issues. And it sucks. There are so many things that I would love to do in the summer, but I can't because I can't do heat. So here is the list of some things Mandy wishes she could do in the summer but she can't because her body doesn't like heat.

1. Work at the Livery.

2. Play softball on the ward softball team.

3. Go on hikes at some time other than early in the AM, or after dark.

4. Go to a bon fire after spending 8 hours in the sun.

5. Be outside for extended periods of time.

6. Attend outdoor dances.

7. Actually dance at the dances when I work a networking socially.

8. Bake. (My apartment doesn't have air conditioning.)

9. Garden or do yard work after about 9 or ten in the morning.

10. Play outside.

I wish I knew why my body doesn't cool like it's suppose to. I really do enjoy doing all these things outside, but I can't because I get sick. It's just annoying.

New goal, get heat exhaustion less than last summer.

So remember how just a few weeks ago I put up a post about how to avoid heat exhaustion?

Well, it really is all good advice, but sometimes, it is just to deathly hot outside.

I was working the livery on Thursday, ya know, with the animals. Pony ride and petting zoo, that kind of thing. I was thoroughly enjoying myself until we broke 100 degrees.

I had been drinking water all day AND taking in sodium. After lunch I went to Smoot Hall and put some ice in my handkerchief to tie around my neck. I stayed in the shade as much as possible. I did everything I could to avoid heat exhaustion.

It wasn't quite enough though. I was doing okay until about 3:30, and I was completely hydrated. But all of the sudden my head felt like it was trying to split in two and I felt like I couldn't see straight.

I knew I needed to get cooled down NOW.

I was in charge of pony rides at that current moment, and we had guests coming, and the vignette team was also coming on down the road. As the people come up I apologize to them and say "It is going to be just a moment on your pony rides, I need to go grab a co-worker. The heat is getting to me a little bit". And considering everyone wanted to be dead from the heat, they understood.

I walk (stumble) over to the petting corral and yell to Isaiah, "Can you grab Brent to run pony rides? I have got to get cooled off, I do NOT feel good." As soon as I see Brent walking over, I apologize again and originally was going to head to the hospital (not a working one, it's a replica of the Desseret Hospital and the basement is the employee lounge. It's air conditioned.) But I quickly realize I am not going to make it that far.

As I'm walking past the Vignette team April mouths to me, "Are you okay?" I shake my head and say no.

I make it to the bathrooms behind the school house, just across and down a little from the livery. I make it to the last stall and I start taking clothes off. I NEEDED to get cooled off. I manage to get my boots, (You wouldn't believe how much heat shoes can hold in.) socks and shirt off before wave one of throwing up came around. There goes all my lunch.

After a few minutes of that, I stop long enough to get my pants off. (Which also hold in a lot of heat) and lie against the wall, which was fairly cool.

I hear someone come in, and I think it was a co-worker mostly because I glanced under the walls and saw that they had a basket and a bonnet, and not to many guests walk around with those.

However, I lacked the energy to say anything. So she left, and I feel wave two of throwing up coming, which sucks because everything in my stomach was already gone.

So sure enough, round two hits, and as I'm in the middle of throwing up again, some guests walk in and I hear "Are you okay?" I manage to moan "No" in between heaves. Then these wonderful guests ask "Can I do anything for you?" and between heaves again, I manage to say I need someone to go to the livery. (I knew thats where the closest co-workers were) and was able to inform them that I was an employee. The one lady asked my name, and then left. Her daughter stayed in the bathroom. "Do you need anything?" I had finally finished round two by this point. I pretty much said that I needed to get cooled off, that I had heat exhaustion.

Around this point I hear Isaiah come in. (Yes, that was a girl.) And she told me that someone had called Holly and she was on her way. (My boss)

Isaiah stays until Holly gets there, but then she has to get back to the Livery, we were a little short handed. Holly comes in and after first making sure that I wasn't dead asks what happened. I said "I don't know, it's never hit me like this. Usually I can tell it's coming and I can keep it under control. It just came out of no where." That's when I was forgiven for not telling her sooner. Because I didn't know until it was happening.

She tells me she is going to go grab a dress to cover me and grab the golf cart to take me to Smoot, (another blessed air conditioned building) and April was going to wait outside the stall while she was gone.

As April is waiting, round three of throwing up hits. I keep apologizing because I know it sounds gross. She just wanted to make sure that I didn't pass out. I've been lucky and I've never actually passed out from heat exhaustion before. I just get sick and want to be dead. That headache is pretty much the worst thing ever.

Holly gets back just as round three finished, they get me into a dress so I'm in something besides underwear and an undershirt to travel. She takes me to Smoot Hall, and I go to Cliff's office to lie down on his couch (best couch in the world, I want it for my bed) Cliff had already left for the day. Holly comes back with two bags of ice. She puts one under my head and one on my stomach, so we can get my core cooled down. And then I lie there for 45 ish minutes before Holly decides I am good enough to stand up.

Also, the vignette team brought me a powerade while I was down in Cliff's office. Because they are awesome like that. They also offered to drive me home, except no one knew how to drive stick and thats what my car is.

Then Holly came back and she gave me a ride to my car, I then came home and did nothing on my couch all day, it was great.

And since my goal of not getting heat exhaustion at all this summer is no longer happening, the new goal is to get it less than last year. It was three times last year. So hopefully no more this year.

Baby Sis Mission Call

So, if you haven't noticed, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, more commonly referred to as "mormons."

It use to be that when Young Men in the church turned 19, they were able to serve a full-time mission. Where they would give up 2 years of their lives and serve a mission for the church spreading the Gosple. Young Women could go when the were 21 to serve an 18 month mission.

Last October, the Church changed it's policy where Young men can now serve at age 18 (after they have graduated high school) And Young Women can go at 19.

With this change, my little sister decided that she wanted to serve a mission. Last week, she received her mission call. Now, for those of you who don't know, filling out papers for a mission is a very long process. You have to have medical and dental appointments, fill out a bajillion pages of paperwork and have interviews with your Bishop and Stake Presidents. (Leadership for the congregation where you meet) After all that is completed, you submit your papers to Church Headquarters.

Then the waiting game, my little sister was lucky, she only had to wait (I think) 2 weeks. I had a roommate who had to wait six. At church headquarters they decide where to assign you to serve.

After your call has been assigned they send you a big white envelope. The envelope you watch the mailbox for, the mailman probably thinks he has stalkers. When Rachel (the baby sis) was expecting her call, dad stayed home from work, and it came. (2 days later than expected...she wasn't sleeping. I told mom to slip zquil into her dinner...I don't think she did.)

Of course I was at work when all of this happened, and I'm dressed up as a pioneer. I can't really answer my cell phone. I had to wait to go on break, and so the whole family was waiting for me for her to open her call.

So after we had everyone on Skype and cell phones she opened her call. I am proud to announce that my baby sister has been called to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She has been been assigned to labor in the St. George, Utah mission. She will serve for 18 months.

I am so proud of her. Being able to serve a mission in not an easy thing and she will learn so much and grow so much. And While I'll only get to talk to her I think...3 times...She can call home on Christmas and Mothers day. I can send her e-mails, and once a week she can read them.

So congrats Rachel, can't wait to see how much you'll grow on your mission.

Middle of the night adventures.

Who doesn't love waking up to a car horn honking and racing around your street at 1:30 in the morning?

So I hear what sounds like a car crash outside my window this morning, except the person keeps circling the block honking their horn.

I'm thinking...a lot of mean things and not nice names in my head...but also "great, someone had a party and got mad and now feels like ticking off the entire block."

Then I hear people yelling outside. I'm now thinking "great, I'm going to hear someone get shot." ...I sometimes wonder if I have drug dealers that live on my street, but I don't really want to find out for sure.

I can't remember what came first me smelling smoke or someone yelling "CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!" Now I'm awake.

I first check my room, make sure I'm not the one on fire. (I was still waking up) I look out my window and see people running up the street. I run outside, and there is smoke everywhere, but I can't see the flames. So I start running up the street where I see people running. Then I hear someone say "It's in the alley!"

My car is parked in the alley.

So I run back inside to grab shoes, then I run to the alley, in time to see the fire engine pull in. I run behind it, thankfully, it was further up the alley. I see more people closer to it and ask them what is on fire. It was someones garage. "So no people are hurt or in danger?" No. Thank goodness for that.

However, there are a lot of trees and there are dry wooden fences, grass...all in the alleyway leading towards my apartment complex with a lot of houses in between.

Bottom line, I'm not leaving until I see the fire is completely contained. In case I need to run home, wake up my roommate (who is somehow still sleeping), and get our cars moved.

We are out there and a fireman asks if he can get through someones yard, we have no idea, they were looking for a fire hydrant.

I don't know where fire hydrants are, I only check for them when I am looking for a parking spot.

The fire was contained enough that I felt safe to go to bed by about 2:15. But I still didn't didn't fall asleep till about 3-3:30.

I also felt sick all day because I didn't get sleep and I was breathing a ton of smoke. (I sleep with my window cracked open.)

So sorry to the person who drone around and woke all of us up, I thought some really mean things about you, I take them back now.

The only pet I had growing up.

So my parents could have dogs or cats in the house growing up, something about allergies and wanting to be able to breathe, weird.

So because of that, the only pets we had growing up were...drum roll....fish. My dad loved them, my sister loves them. I didn't. But that's what I had to do.

I also had this weird talent as a child, I could catch flies in the window. I was really good at it. And one time I was sick of being petless. So I caught a fly and I put it in a jar.

I took one of the jars mom would use to bottle fruit, and I put a knee high on top and screwed on the lid. I also put a piece of a sucker in the jar. And I had a pet fly for a week.

He lived for about a week, and the sucker was red. Looking back I should have found a way to put water in the jar. Poor fly.

But that was the pet I had growing up.

What is the most interesting pet you've ever had?

Sunday in the Park with George

I love this musical. Sondheim is awesome.

I've not been able to pin point exactly why, but for whatever reason, the music captivates me. I love how Sondheim plays with the music in this show.

I also love his lyrics.

"We do not belong together, and we should have belonged together."

"I chose and my world was shaken, so what? The choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not."

"The art of making art is putting it together."

"There are really only two thing worth while that we leave behind; children and art."

And there are so many more.

If you are not a musical person, I don't suggest this for your first. It is very different from any musical you've ever seen. It doesn't follow a clear plot line. It is based of the painting "A Sunday afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" and is also based on what little is known about the painter George Seurat.

It really just is great.

Helpful advice for not dying of heat this summer.

Since I've had at least three friends have a problem with heat and such the like in the last 24 hours. Here is Mandy's summer advice to avoiding heat exhaustion.

My credibility? I am extremely prone to heat exhaustion and have had it several time in my life, hence, I learned how to avoid it at all costs, because it sucks. (Also, be aware that there is a different between heat stroke and heat exhaustion.)

1- WATER!!!!! DRINK IT!!!!! And I don't mean just when you are thirsty, I mean constantly throughout the day. If you feel thirsty you are already dehydrated. If you are working hard, drink more, don't worry about having to use the restroom to much, you will sweat out the water.

2. Which brings me to number two. Make sure that you are also are taking in sodium and other things your body loses when you sweat. Gatorade and such the like is good to drink IN ADDITION to water. Also eating a good meal, and small snacks throughout the day.

3. Plan your clothing accordingly. If you are going to be out in the hot sun, try to wear lighter colors and lighter fabrics. Light colors will reflect heat while dark colors absorb it. Lighter fabric will also hold less heat in. If possible, try to make your clothing more...flowy? Is that the word I want? Poofy? Don't make it really tight, that makes it hard to breezes to get through, and I don't know if this is true or not, but I feel like they hold more heat in too.

4. Pay attention to your body. If you start getting short of breath or a headache that makes you want to kill yourself, or you are just starting to get really tired, get in the shade, get in air conditioning, take a rest. If you catch it at the early stages, just slowing down and resting will help a lot. If you start getting dizzy or lightheaded GET COOLED OFF AND GET OUT OF THE SUN!!

5. If this starts to happen, try putting water on fabric of some kind and getting the cool liquid on your face, neck, behind your ears, your back, wherever. (These are just the ones I find most helpful) If you have a friend around, have them help fan you to get a breeze going. Chances are, you are pretty dehydrated so you don't have your sweat evaporating off your body to help keep you cool. *Something worth noting, if you are somewhere that is humid and the sweat doesn't evaporate, I suggest a small towel or handkerchief to wipe sweat away.

6. If this still isn't helping get to a private place and take off as many layers as you can. I'm serious. I got heat exhaustion 3 times last summer (and considering how often I get it and how much I was outside last summer, this was actually a pretty low number) Once in China, twice at the park. Now, in China, I couldn't take a ton off in public and that is where I started getting it, but I did take off my t-shirt and got down to my tank top, where my friends were awesome enough to help me get cooled off enough to make it back to the hotel. The part only my roommate knows is that once we were back in the room, the air was turned as cold as it could go and while she was in the bathroom I asked her to turn on a luke cold shower (we'll get to the importance of that in a second) Meanwhile I was in the main part of the room taking off everything but bra and underwear. As soon as she was done using the restroom I just sat in the shower in my underclothing. After a few minutes, I came back out, she headed to a concert I changed into dry underclothing and collapsed on the bed. I am a decently shy person and the idea of being wet in a white bra was not appealing to me, but I felt like not dying was even more important. So basically, if you are really bad, take off as much clothing as is socially acceptable for your current location.

7. The importance of the water temperature. If your body has over heated, do not dump a ton of ice cold water all over it, chances are you will shock your system and make things even worse. Even if you put just a little ice cold water on your face, it is not going to feel good that first second, and probably not until you start cooling down.

8. Now, recognizing it in other I don't really know how to explain, I just know how to recognize it because I know what it feels like. But some key things to watch for, look at their faces. Chances are they are either really red or really pale. A trick for helping someone, "If it's red, raise the head, if it's pale, raise the tail". If someone is really white, it is probably a good idea to get there feet up and their heads down. I tend to get more red, so I usually try to say more upright. but it does go both ways.

In conclusion, 1-3 are more along the lines of prevention. 4-7 are more if you start getting/full out get it here's how to get it under control. And 8 is meant to be helpful if someone needs your help.

Now, if you can't get it under control and it starts getting worse, seek medical attention. Heat exhaustion can turn into heat stroke and heat stroke can kill you.

This is also not all the information out there on this, this is just a little helpful advice from a girl who has had a lot of heat problems in her life.

Also, if you do get it, even after you get it under control and start to feel better, it's called heat exhaustion, you are going to be tired the rest of the day, make sure you get a lot of sleep that night and KEEP DRINKING FLUIDS!!!!

Hope this was helpful, make sure you have so much fun during the summer, and don't let it get spoiled by heat exhaustion.

This is the Place, come see it.

Summer season starts at the park today....YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There aren't words for how excited I am. I love love love love my job, and now everyone will be back, because it's summer. Everything will be open. People will come.

I work with the best people on the planet, so everyone coming back is pretty much the greatest thing ever.

Plus I actually slept last night, which always puts me in a better mood.

But seriously, You should come to the park if you get a chance, you WILL NOT regret it.

There is so much to do and see. If you are bored, your own fault.

Today marks the return of Dr. Lorenzo Quackenbush.

The vignette team will be walking around singing all day.

Within the next few weeks, Nellie Star is likely to come back around, it's been rumored she has been seen around here lately. Summer months is when our train transport gold.

We have pony rides, and a petting zoo to go with it.

You can order custom made items, that will be incredible, from the Saddlery (the leather shop), the blacksmith, and I believe the tinsmith and cabinet shop as well.

I'm getting a leather bag soon...:)

In July, come to a pioneer ball!

Seriously, this is such a gem to Utah, you should come see it.

Because everyone loves their job, and you can tell.

And it makes it that much more fun to be there.

Unconditional love

So after a really hard week, I was able to go spend the night with my friend Kelsie, her husband and there little one year old daughter. (Who is adorable and freaking smart, just so you know)

I loved being with their family.

I loved waking up and hearing Alex with little baby Saryn while she was waking up.

I loved being around a family again.

As I was lying there, feeling like a creeper because I was just enjoying listening to them wake up, I was trying to figure out why I felt so peaceful.

It's because I was with a family.

Something that I really want in my life.

I loved that feeling of love. That unconditional love.

I know that it exists in other places and in other ways.

I love my friends without condition. Even when they make me so angry I want to punch them in the face. It never alters the fact that I love them.

Even if they turn into a jerk and seem to not care about me anymore, I still care about them.

I'm weird like that.

And if they ever need me I'll be there.

But I miss being around families. There is such a special love that exists between a parent and a child.

The child tends to not realize or appreciate it until they get older.

But from the second you exist to your parents. (be that the first time they hold you, the first time they realize they are pregnant, when all the adoption papers go through, etc.) You are theirs. And they love you.

No matter the choices you make.

No matter the profession you choose.

No matter how much furniture you break.

They love you.

I'm even convinced that the ones who will cut off their children still love them. They just don't know how.

It's a complicated thing to explain, especially since I've never been a parent.

Just a friend.

Not even an Aunt. Not technically.

I miss being around that.

Being a single college student, with no siblings having had any kids yet or be anywhere close to it, I don't get to be around it a lot.

My parents live to far away for me to be home with them very often.

I cannot wait for the day I am blessed to have a family.

To have a husband who will love me unconditionally, love me warts and all.

And for me to love him, without condition, warts and all.

And then for us to decide we are crazy enough to want children, and raise them, and love them, warts and all.

Because love is what I thrive on.

It is something I have learned about myself.

My favorite places to be are when I am surrounded by love.

Surrounded by people who genuinely care about each other, even if they don't agree with every choice the other person has made. All of us have made choices that someone else who loves us didn't agree with.

I hope I am lucky enough to be blessed with a family in this life.

And if I'm stuck waiting until the next, I'm sure that he, whoever I end up with, will be worth the wait.

Communications

So I have a dear friend, who happens to be gay, and recently his sister found out.

I'm sure she meant it with all the love in her heart, but she decided to text him about her opinions on the matter.

Thankfully, she did still say that she loved him and he would always be her brother. But she also said some things that were not as nice. She doesn't approve of him acting on his feelings.

The part that was not okay?

She did this in a text.

This post is not meant to open a discussion on homosexuality or anything like that.

It's about communication.

And how everyone now a days seems to suck at it worse than ever before.

When you have something important to discuss with someone, the only reason a text should even be involved is to see if they are available to talk. NOTHING MORE!

If you actually care about someone, you should be able to talk to them about the important things IN PERSON! If in person is simply not an option (i.e. they live in another state or a great distance. Or something like unto that.) then you should CALL THEM!!!

One, so much can be lost in a text message. What you hear in your head as you type is going to be much different than what they read. And it's no ones fault, it's just how it works.

Two, why can't you talk to them? Do you really need to hide behind a text?

Three, if you love them, why wouldn't you want to talk to them? Especially if it is something that worries you about a choice they are making?

(and before you get mad at me and yell homosexuality is not a choice, because I know someone is going to draw that connection. I know the feelings are not a choice. But what we do with those feelings, homosexual OR heterosexual, that is where the choice lies.)

There is this growing problem where people won't talk to each other. It's easier to never say the words or wait until you can hide behind text.

I am constantly amazed at people who want something created where you can talk into the phone, it will send your message, and the other person can hear it, like a vocal text message. Guess what? IT ALREADY EXISTS!! It's called a telephone call.

You put in the persons number, they answer and you have a conversation.

It makes me sad that conversations are a dying art.

Maybe this is why I want to get into communications.

Moral of the story, stop hiding behind a text. If you have something important to say, just say it.

Settling in for the summer

Well, I'm settled. I guess. I can't wait until I start full time at the park.

It's hard trying to fill your days.

I watch way to much tv.

I've also now discovered criminal minds, a show that both fascinates and disturbs me.

And I've discovered that Boy Meets World is on ABCFAM at 8 in the morning.

Yes, I am awake for this.

I don't sleep well anyway.

Actually, I keep having bad dreams.

I mean, at least they have calmed down...i think. They started back in March. And I don't typically remember them. I just wake up scared.

Now, I sleep through them, and I remember having a bad dream, although still not entirely sure what they are about. But at least I'm not scared through them anymore.

and in a week and a half I'll be working full time, which will be awesome!

I'm pretty stoked.

The best way to cook meat.

Seriously, I think I have figured it out, the best way to cook meat is in some kind of fruit juice.

It will make your meat tender. so amazing!

I cook pork chops in peach juice, from my grandmas bottled peaches. My pork chops come out with a nice sweet flavor and it is SO TENDER!!!

I just made some citrus cilantro chicken tender loins to put on top of salads. Like unto when me and some friends made some a few months ago, but this time with orange, lime AND lemon.

HOLY COW!!! SO TENDER!!!!! and because it was citrus it wasn't overwhelming sweet and it was more a hint of sweet and cilantro and it was so hard to cut it up and store it for future salad use, and not just eat right there.

Just so you know, sweet and savory can have so many benefits.

There is your tip for the day.

Wreck this Journal

Yes, I bought a book at Barnes and Nobel called "Wreck this Journal"

The idea of this book is basically to destroy it. Scribble on pages. Spill things. Wipe your feet on it. Tear out random pages. Use one of the pages to wrap a gift.

Why on earth would anyone but a book that you are meant to destroy and mistreat?

Why not?

Maybe it will help me learn how to let go.

To accept things getting hurt or ruined.

That things really are just material things and if something gets destroyed it is not the end of the world.

Not to say that you should take care of things.

But it's okay to let things go as well.

Last night I poked holes in one of the pages.

It really is an interesting book.

One of the pages tells you to take the book into the shower.

I cracked the binding already.

One page is meant for me to wipe my feet on.

One page is to scribble on with borrowed pens or pencils.

I'm really excited for this book.

Moved and starting the summer

I am in my apartment, I have now worked a day and I have spent today filling out on line job applications.

I hate on-line applications.

Looking for a second night time job to make sure that I can make ends meet everywhere.

And now I have watched an episode of "What not to wear."

There are small parts of me that would love a little make over. But I have no money to spend on it. and not a strong enough desire to save money to spend on it.

Don't tell some of my friends, pretty sure some of them would love to take me on a shopping spree/ make-over day.

Now I need to go run errands today and check out some leads on some more jobs.

And I don't really want to.

On the plus side, my roommate is really nice. We'll get a long just fine I think.

Anyway, to distracted to write a lot, but I'm not dead.

Packed and ready to go.

So, here is hoping I have a kind cop.

See, being the genius I am, I decided to wait until my car was completely full to go take care of my fix it ticket.

I lost the ticket, so I'll have to have an officer come out and look at my car to make sure I really did fix the headlight.

I can't see out my back windows....at all.

I couldn't get more into this car if I tried.

But At least I got stuff in, some stuff is with friends and family.

The new car has less space then Shakespeare did...which is dumb.

Anyway, guess I'm on my way.

I hate moving.

I don't know if there are words for how much I despise moving.

Truly, they don't exist.

I hate the leaving of friends.

I hate finding a new place to live.

but more than just about anything else...

I HATE PACKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGH! I despise it. It drives me nuts. But it has to be done. Plain and simple.

But I own WAY to much CRAP!

It's just so incredibly annoying to face it. Which is why it took me three days to pack my room instead of one.

Packing up the bathroom isn't bad. I did that in less than 20 minutes. I just don't keep a lot in the bathroom.

I'm still not ready to face to kitchen, which I have to do before I go to bed tonight, so I can clean in the morning. (in addition to taking care of my fix-it ticket, and getting my oil topped off *cough* again.)

I also hate how scattered things get when I pack. I think I accidentally packed my fix-it ticket and so I am hoping they can pull it up at the court house.

I mean, I have learned a few useful skills, in the humblest way possible, I am FREAKING good at packing a car with a LOT of stuff. Really the only two people I know who might be better than me are my mother and sister, but I'm catching up.

And it's not like I hate new beginnings or ALL of the change with moving.

I like meeting new people.

If I could just do it without having to pack and clean everything.

Mostly the packing.

I think I know what I want to do when I grow up.

So, I know i posted like...15 minutes ago...but I think I figured out what I want to do when I grow up.

I'm hoping to get into the communications program, right? And I haven't know what I was going to do with it, but my plan right now is to Major in communications and double minor in music and family/human development.

I went back and watched the "Pork Chop" video. (you can find the link to copy and paste on my post entitles "This Girl")

I want to go to schools, I want to teach students to be kind.

I want to teach them the long term effects name calling has on someone.

I want to teach them how they could be building each other up, instead of tearing each other down.

I want them to learn to see the beauty in their classmates, not just the weirdos.

I want them to see other HUMAN BEINGS.

I want them to be the brave ones who will stand up and defend those who are different.

Instead of making it harder for them, realize that maybe they just need a friend.

That maybe that girl you are calling fat and ugly actually has something wonderful to offer.

I want them to know that THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

I want to try and prevent any other child from being me.

I don't want them to go home and struggle for years and years with self esteem.

I don't want them to have two shoulder devils.

One that constantly tells them how wrong they are, and one that won't let them hear compliments.

I want to teach students that. I want to teach children that.

What if I could make one hallway of one school just a little kinder?

Imagine how much good that could do.

I want to do that.

Who are you?

I'm glad that more people appear to be reading my blog lately, but who are you?

The last time anyone left a comment was last (i think) September.

I also had like...10 page views at 2:00 am the other day...who is reading at 2:00am? Why aren't you sleeping?

Again, don't get me wrong. I'm glad people are reading.

But I want to know what you have to say.

I don't have much to post today.

Moving soon, one final left. such the like. I can hopefully blog more this Summer.

So again, thanks for reading...but can someone leave a comment?

Prisoner of War

The show at Lehi last night was incredible.

"Prisoner of War" was based off the life of Lt. Corbin Willis. Mindy Nelsen's (The theatre teacher at Lehi) grandfather. He was a prisoner of war in WWII.

His story has fascinated her for years, and when she was 16 she started writing a script about his experience. Then 2 years ago, some of her alumni started helping her write the music for it.

If I lived closer I would go see it again in a heart beat.

It blows my mind that everything that happened was real. They took everything from journal entries. He was drafted 18 days after his marriage. When he was taken prisoner, they didn't know he had survived. His family had been told he was dead. The Germans didn't send any of his letters home.

*SPOILERS*

His wife, needing to move on with her life, ended up re-marrying before he came home. He was dead. Then he was alive again. The tragic part, she was pregnant with her new husbands child.

*END SPOILERS*

It truly was incredible. And I am stunned at the talent of the young boys who wrote the music. Especially since (to my knowledge) They have no formal training in composition.

Not to mention the acting abilities of these high school actors never ceases to amaze me.

Lehi is just freaking awesome.

Just a Saturday morning post.

I am so excited to go to Lehi tonight. I'll have to tell all of you about it when I get back.

I'm also suppose to be going to a baby shower in about an hour and a half...I should consider getting dressed.

I love pajamas WAY to much.

So the baby shower is for my first roommate. I can't believe that was four years ago.

It is so incredible to see where everyone has ended up. Most of the girls from my floor that year are married. and now one is even having kids.

Actually...I can't believe how many people from my freshman ward are married and have kids.

Then the rest of them are graduating or on missions, or just got back from missions.

Crazy.

There are time I really miss freshman year. Life was easier then.

I'm glad it's raining today. I like rain, I'm not excited to drive in it. But rain smells so good.

So I am so intrigued by who may or may not be reading my blog.

It says that I have people viewing it, but no one ever comments or anything.

The last time someone commented on a post was "A Ball Gown", a post I wrote last August/September. I secretly wish there was a way for me to see who was viewing. Mostly just because I'm curious.

Anyway, there is my Saturday morning post. It's nothing exciting. But at least I'm writing.

small happies

Yeah, I don't have much to say. It's late. I'm tired. And I realized that I haven't written in awhile. So I thought I should.

It'll be short and sweet because quite frankly, I'm really grumpy and tired right now. Mostly tired. I haven't slept a lot the last few days.

But, here were some positive things in the last few days.

Not cops while I have been driving drastically over the speed limit. Which P.S. I don't know if there are words for how much I HATE when someone tailgates you like you are going 15 under the speed limit, WHILE YOU ARE ACTUALLY GOING 15 OVER!!! (Don't judge, I was running late and I know it was wrong.)

Makenzie being the biggest sweetheart ever and driving my car home for me, thus allowing me to get to class on time.

Seeing friends from the Park.

Learning the cup song from Pitch Perfect.

Finishing my last speech.

strawberries. I don't know if there are words for how much I LOVE strawberry season.

The fact that I don't have to get up to an alarm tomorrow morning. That is pretty excellent.

Anyway...speaking of that...i'm going to bed now. I'm tired.

Bye.

I've got to be the weird one.

So, I'm sitting in church yesterday, and someone starts telling a story about how they were a clutz on there bike and totally fell over while they were at a stand still. They said "And the first thought that went through my mind was 'Did anybody see that?'"

Am I weird because when I do something clutzy or stupid like unto falling over while at a stand still my usual thought is "Why was nobody around to see that?"

It's so much funnier when people can share those moments with you, because it is so harder to laugh about it later when you have to explain it.

I guess that is probably a lot of the reason that I never really have embarrassing moments, I laugh at myself to much.

Until you get into spelling mistakes, I guess I'm embarrassed by my complete lack of spelling abilities...

Beside the point

The point is, does nobody else just laugh when those funny things happen? Like when I got trapped inside my own car about 20 feet away from my building. (I'm pretty sure I wrote a post about that)

I don't know. I just think slips and falls are funny. (as long as no one gets seriously injured.)

Go Find A Date Tuesday

So many things I could post about today.

My adventures of being sick on the couch all weekend? Actually, that one isn't very exciting. I lied on the couch all weekend miserable because it hurt to breathe...or move...or open my eyes... yeah, not exciting. Although, I did watch an episode of Dr. Who. not a bad show.

I could talk about working at the park again this previous Saturday. But really, all I remember is that a baby goat was born (that I forgot to go see, I was working the train) and my throat was killing me. And the drive home sucked because my illness was starting to kick in...I should probably thank the Lord that I made it through the day before the fever and chills hit.

Really nothing to exciting to report. I've already told you about the CD. I told you about baby animal days. I spent Easter at my friend Mandie's, with her family.

So I guess I will take Miss Christines idea. Christine who works at the park with me, who is roommates with April and also allowed me to sleep on their couch.

I told her about my "Date Idea List". See, a few years ago, I had some guy friends who tried to use the excuse "they had no more ideas" to not go on dates. So I decided to take their excuse away. I made a date idea list. At the time, it was only 3 pages, 3 columns on each page. We are now starting on page 8.

So here is my thing, I'm going to start posting one date idea, and a first date question at least once a week. (maybe if I tell you this I'll become accountable.)Hopefully in the beginning to middle of the week, giving you time to find and plan a date. Also, any dating questions? Apparently I give decent advice. Maybe this way we can start spreading this idea of "going on dates"

*Mandy getting on her soap box warning* Cause you see, there is this huge problem today with this whole dating thing. People are OVER THINKING WHAT A DATE IS!!!!!!! A date should be nothing more than you spending time with someone in an effort to get to know them better. ESPECIALLY A FIRST DATE!!!! IT IS NOT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL!!!!!! It's just a date people. And guess what? They don't have to be long, expensive, or complicated. Thank you. *stepping off soap box*

So, Date Idea number one-
Visit an Interesting Local Landmark.

Simple right? But seriously, how many of us visit the "tourist spots" when we go on vacation or whatever, but we never see them in our own city?

And they don't even have to be popular to the outside world! For example, when I lived in Lehi one of the local landmarks there was the Haunted Hospital. (*Disclaimer, before visiting anything haunted on a date, make sure your date would actually enjoy it. If someone had taken me to the Haunted Hospital, I would have hated them for the rest of their lives.)

Maybe the Local Landmark is a cheese factory that has free cheese samples. Maybe there is a monument at one of the parks near by for someone great in the community. Why not find out and go see it together?

To simple? Okay, walk there if it isn't to far. Thereby extending the date. Or bring a snack along if destination permits. (Some local landmarks might be a museum or something, they tend to frown upon food near priceless artwork, can't imagine why.) While there, figure out why someone made a landmark of it this place.

Don't know how to find a landmark? GOOGLE!!! google is a wonderful thing. I probably can't tell you much about where you are locally, I can barely tell you about where I am locally. But go to your towns city website, or even go to the state website and look up a list of historical places to see. Seriously, you guys kind find anything on the internet. If I can find a way to watch all my TV shows with out having cable or netflix. (and I think I even watch most if not all of them legally...I have one website I use that I'm not sure on the legality of it...i should probably find out...) If Miss technologically challenged beyond belief over here can do that, you can find a local landmark.

Okay, we all got that idea lodged in our minds now? Just visit a local landmark, simple as that. Plus really, who doesn't love having random facts up their sleeves?

Now, onto the date questions. I had one friend complaining that he hates first dates because it's just a grill you about your entire life history. I don't understand why it has to be that way. Obviously there are the usual ice breakers. How old are you, where you from, are you in school, etc.

Because of that I am working on a list of first date questions, now this one is harder because it depends so much on the person you are with. If you are with someone shy who doesn't talk much, just have patience and may the force be with you. Most people open up after awhile. So the question list is still rough and I am always accepting more to put on the list. (especially if you have been on a lot of first dates, cause I really haven't.)My basic goal with these is just to make no pressure questions with no pressure answers.

So Date question idea-
Where would you love to travel?

See, no wrong answer.

Anyway, so there is my post for the day. Feel free to comment with any ideas that you have, or any questions that you would ask/have been asked on dates.

And until I come up with a cool catch phrase to end "go find a date Tuesday" with i'm going to rip off random movies and shows.

May the odds be ever in your favor.