Today marks the end of the first week of summer in Logan for Mandy. A summer that will consist of a minimum of 30 hour work weeks and chilling in her apartment between adventures. (ya know, until it get disgustingly hot and the apartment i'm "chilling" in has no air conditioning and therefore i will be baking in stead of chilling)
I think though its turning out to be a fun summer. This last week I got to see my parental units, which is always fun. And then i put a few blonde streaks in my hair. worked and worked and worked and worked. cooked. ate. played. And Saturday was the day that sucked. I had a nine hour work day right? (8-5 is by far my least favorite shift)but we were busy, like slammed busy for like 5 hours straight of that. Plus it got really hot in the store. I do not do well with heat. I get heat exhaustion very very very easily. (in fact i got it mildly yesterday) but after coming home, showering, eating with friends, watching movies and eating ice cream. Life was okay again.
Ok...here is my main thing about this summer...well...at least as of he last few days. EVERYONE around me is getting into relationships. (i know i say this all the time, but its really true this time.) I have 2 of my 3 roommates engaged. My old roommate got engaged just before school got out. My summer roommate from last summer is spending her summer in North Carolina with her boyfriend. The girl at work is going on another date again. My friends who are bascially my brothers are pursuing girls. and then there is me.
This is my predicament. old habits die hard.
someone once told me the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again an expecting different results. Well, in the dating realm, obviously I've had no success. I can like a guy, be friends with him, a great friend, a best friend. But never a girldfriend. Never what they are looking for in girlfriends. and yet every time they seem to describe "dream girl" i fill most of the qualifications.
But thats not the point I'm trying to make. i can't control other peoples actions. I can't make choices for them. I can only control what I do and how I react and act about things.
The problem is, I don't know how to be different. Because i also don't want to be someone i'm not just to find someone. That is self defeating. I've met a few of the new guys around. And i have other guys that i'm already interested in. But how do i make them, or find out if they have interest in me?
People always say "guys, ask the girls out". and then they say "Girls, let them know you are interested" everytime i try that the boys start avoiding me. which is thoroughly annoying.
And now i am begining to ramble. and this is not coming out at all like i'm trying to get it to.
Long story short. It is a new summer, filled with new people and new adventures that are waiting for me to come discover. I'm hoping that I can find someone to share the adventures with. If not a romantic someone, just new friends to add to lifes adventures of fun and discovery. Its a new summer, and everything can change.
I have to be the one to step out of Mandy's habits and do things that terrify me. It's just another adventure. a terryfing one, but if i can face the fear. The rewards are far greater than the fear i had to face.
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