in summary...

Basically lets sum up everything in the last month shall we? It's not as detailed and full of insight like i usually like, but in order for future insights to make sense, we need a general background.

School started, I managed to pass my juries and start my second year as a music major. I thought that maybe I'd get the hang of it this year. SO far, not so good. I am failing Music theory III, aural skills III and vocal pedagogy. Although, i am finally learning how to practice for voice and piano and there is actually improvement being made.
Because of lack of sleep and verge of mental collapses i had to quit my job at McDonalds. Which is good and bad. It's good for a couple reasons. One, when asked why i quit before i could answer my friend chimed in and said "because it was slowly killing her" there was some truth in that statement. He said that you could always tell the next morning if I had worked the night before. So now that i have caught up on sleep i have to find new employment. See, not working in college is not an option for me. I have to do these little things...like pay rent, pay utilities, buy groceries, put gas in my car. Little things really. So now I am in search of new employment. And every on campus-lead i had fell through. So it's looking like I"ll end up at a call center. Which i can't actually apply for till next week.

My voice teacher put me on vocal rest. Apparently i had laryngitis and didn't even know it. So we are trying to give my chords time to heal. OK GETTING YOUR VOCAL CHORDS CHECKED IS THE WEIRDEST THING EVER!!!!!! they have to send a scope down your nose. it's so weird. But thats the hazards of being a vocal major, your gonna have to get your chords checked eventually.

This year I also had the INCREDIBLE blessing of getting into Later-Day voices. the auditioned choir up at the institute. It has been the single greatest blessing this semester. Despite how much my life is falling apart around me, I am always better after LDV. I ave the strength to keep going just a little bit longer. I never understood how you could come to love people so quickly. But i truly love everyone in Latter Day voices. Yes there are the few that i am working on liking, sometimes you just meet people that bug you for now explainable reason. But i truly LOVE everyone, I would do anything for any of them. I think thats one thing about it that makes life okay again, just the overwhelming amount of love among this group of very special people. I am learning things about the gosple, people and myself that i never thought i could learn. I am so grateful to be blessed to be able to say for the rest of my life that I am a Latter-Day voice. Because once a latter-day voice, always a latter day voice.

And onto the last bit of drama, than I think you will be caught up on everything important. So there is this boy. I like him a lot. THis tends to happen among young adults. And i've liked guys before. But this kid is one of my best friends, and we've been best friends for closing in on a year. Around April, i realized i really liked him . (we;d been hanging out since February. I'm kind of slow sometimes) Well I couldn't decide if he liked me or not. He moved out of town for the summer, but we still saw each other several times over the four months. And we texted a LOT. He moves back to Logan and we see each other a lot see we actually have the same major and are in 6 classes together, including LDV. We ended up hanging out at least once every weekend. So a few weeks into September I finally decide that I have to know if this is ever going to go anywhere. And it scared me to death. You would be amazed at how long i can stay in limbo and just sit there pining and wondering. but I knew i would regret it this time if I didn't ask.

So we are hanging out one Friday night, and I had decided that I was going to ask him that night. We are making cinnamon rolls at my place, watching youtube videos chatting, laughing. Its getting late and he has to drive to Salt Lake the next morning, i offer him a ride home . WE get to his parking lot and I decided now or never. so Before he gets out I say "hey, i got a question for you real fast." he goes "Yeah." in my head i'm like, well...no turning back now. so i ask "Do you ever see potential between us as anything more than friends?" He pauses, i'm freaking out inside. i go "you don't have to answer right now if you don't want. Everybody else has asked, i figured i might as well" he laughs a little and says "Honestly, I've thought about it and I haven't decided." I say "thats fine, i was just wondering. Drive safe tomorrow." We laugh at something else, he gets out of the car adn shuts the door. I immediately feel like throwing up. That was the single hardest thing i have ever done in my life. I'm not very good at being vulnerable. I proceeded to feel like throwing up for the next day and a half.

and here we are, a month later. Still haven't gotten a real answer. But we are still good friends, nothing is or was awkward. I just every now and then sit and wonder why. Was it me or him he wasn't sure about? was it both? I've just tried to stop thinking about it, which is hard because i still really like him, and I just want to know whether to hold onto these feelings or let them go. Cause I am fine with a platonic brother/sister relationship. I just need to know.

SO that is the summary of Mandy's life the last little while. Now we are up to date and I can start having much more detailed blogs again, hopefully I'll have time to keep up. Because there are many adventures I've yet to record... so until then.