This Girl

I know that there are people who know this about me, but there are people who don't.

I stumbled across this video on facebook and I finally decided to watch it.

www.upworthy.com/bullies-called-him-pork-chop-he-took-that-pain-with-him-and-then-cooked-it-into?g=3">

It was made by a man who was called pork chop in elementary school. It talks about others who were bullied in school.

For anyone who was never picked on in school, first, you are incredibly lucky and should be so grateful. Second, you may not know this...but "sticks and stones" is the biggest lie that someone ever told.

Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but words are what will kill you.

I know that some people know how I was treated, but not many appreciate it. Not because they don't want to, but because they haven't been there. Or they don't see what the other kids saw. But here is the honesty. To this day I struggle with names that people called me. I still believe their words, despite how hard I try not to.

But I can't tell you how many times this girl

was told straight to her face that she was fat, ugly. Just fat ugly Mandy. Just. She wasn't worth anything. She wasn't talented. She was stupid. She was an idiot. She was weird. She sucked. Nobody wanted her on their team. Nobody wanted to be stuck with Mandy. She wasn't good at anything. "Don't make her the goalie, they'll score every time." Even though I had blocked every single puck in floor hockey that day. Every. Single. One. But I shouldn't be the goalie. I was just fat ugly Mandy.

What they didn't know was that this girl

cried herself to sleep almost every night by the time she got to 6th grade. They didn't know that she learned how to cry silently so that her little sister on the other side of the room wouldn't hear her. They didn't know that to this day she doesn't cry in front of people. Because she taught herself to never let them see her cry, because that would mean they won. They couldn't have known how much they tore her down. Because they were just children, just like she was just a child.

The part that they really don't know is that she doesn't hold personal grudges against them anymore. She realizes that they were just children. But...she knows that children are some of the most honest people in the world.

So they don't know

that this girl.

still struggles with every word they said.

that this girl

is still trying to believe that she can accomplish something.

that this girl

is still trying to believe that she is worth your time.

that this girl

is trying to believe that people will be there for her.

that this girl

is trying to believe that her friends truly do love her dearly.

that this girl

is still trying to believe that she is worthy of love.

that this girl

is trying to believe that she could be remotely pretty.

but let me tell you something.

this girl

has made it this far.

And she is determined to keep going. There are days when she can get those words they said to quiet down. There are times that her incredible friends and family make her feel so loved and happy that there aren't words to describe it.

I am still here. I am still going everyday. I may not be good at getting myself to believe the words of people now, the ones who tell me I am smart, I am pretty, I am talented, I am kind. And I know that I don't always respond well. I know it seems like I can block out those words. But whether or not I'm listening...I still hear them. They really do mean a lot.

Because of the words and actions that I dealt with when I was young, to this day I try to make sure that everyone I know is aware of how beautiful they are. I compliment random strangers, because people need to hear it.

Why are we so quick to point out the negative in people, but pointing out their positive is so much harder?

I don't care if someone thinks I am flirting or just trying to make myself look important. I know why I point out the positive in people.

I do it because people need to hear it. People need to know that they are amazing, talented, beautiful, smart, incredible people.

So to anyone who may be reading this, please know of the sincerity of my words when I say this. I don't have to know who you are to know that you are Beautiful. You are smart. You can do it!

I promise that YOU CAN MAKE IT!

Life is going to be hard, but I promise there is someone there for you, to help you make it at least one more day.

It's okay if you need to take it down to "I can only go one more day." Just go that one more day. Then when the next day comes, be assured that you can make it just one more.

Please, never forget, YOU ARE WONDERFUL!