Styles of love and speaking for the storges.

So, we've all seen the movie. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, and in an hour and a half they have proclaimed there undying love for each other and they live happily every after.

We've also seen it with our friends (especially if you are mormon) they meet, fall in love, and 3-6 months later are engaged and are married within a year of knowing each other.

Because one style of love is ever really commonly shown, especially in the media, people don't seem to realize that there are other styles of love.

Yes, this is a real thing and not something I am making up. I learned about this in my interpersonal communications class and I am taking most of the information from that textbook, which is, "Interpersonal Communication. Everyday Encounters" sixth edition, written by Julia T. Wood. ...I'm not sure what type of citation to put in here, so that, I think, is enough information that I won't be accused of plagiarism. In fact while reading these below, I'm hovering between paraphrasing and word for word from the book, while defining the loves.

DISCLAIMER!!!! I am not writing this to say that one style is better than the other. I'm am writing this to inform that there are more ways to love than one, and maybe we should step back and actually learn what type of lover we are and what our friends are so that we stop shoving ideas down each others throats...

Now, I would like to clarify something else as well, I am referring only to romantic love in this post. About the style of love we have when it comes to finding a significant other.

So the three primary style of love, Eros, Storge, and Ludus. There are also secondary styles, but today I'm just focusing on the primary.

The first one, Eros, is the kind that we find most commonly in the media. It is powerful and passionate. It will burst into flames and come alive very quickly and often, loudly. This isn't limited to sexual attraction, but to spiritual, emotional, and/or intellectual. It is the most intuitive and spontaneous of the styles. Also, men, more often, are more Eros type loves.

Personal opinion, that is the biggest reason it is used in stories, whatever their medium. Because Eros relationships are filled with fire and passion so quickly that it makes for a good story, especially if it is only a two hour movie.

The second one is Storge, it is comfortable and based on friendship and compatibility. It tends to grow very gradually and is often very comfortable and stable. Often, it is based on common interests and values. They don't have those flaring highs that come with the fire of eros lovers, but, it also avoids fiery burns and hot tempers that come with quick flamed love.

This is the type of love that many people mistakenly think is the best thing in the world and something to be worked toward. While it is the most stable, if you are Eros, this type of relationship would be agonizing.

The third and last one is Ludus, which is a playful love. It is the style of love where people view love as a game. It is full of adventure and challenges. Love is a fun thing for them, and nothing rather serious. Often, commitment is not the goal. They enjoy falling in love. A lot of people will go through a ludic phase without actually being a ludus lover. And that is okay, in fact, after a long-term relationship has come to an end, it is normal to just date the field and have fun.

So now that we know what all the primary styles of love are lets talk about it real quick.  I am very much a Storge lover. I don't fall quickly, in fact, I rarely can pin point the moment when I have fallen. I just realize that I care far more and differently than I use to.

The main problem I have encounter being this way is that I have many, many, many, many, many Eros friends. And they don't understand that that doesn't work for me. I'm never going to see that person at first glance and go "It's him." I won't give that power or trust to someone I don't know.

I don't "fall into like" very quickly at all. I don't know after one date if I like you. I take a long time to evaluate what I feel and how much of my heart I am willing to give away to you.

I think most of this comes from being hurt multiple times, and I think some of it comes just because that's the way I am. I have plenty of fire and passion in me, but it isn't going to be coming out very easily.

And this has driven many of my friends absolutely insane.

And I guess that's where either I'm a stupid romantic or just have unrealistic expectations. I never pictured falling in love as fireworks and flashing lights and an orchestra.

I always pictured it as that person I grew to love. I always assumed fireworks had to be earned. I pictured love to be those moments between the fireworks. Having someone to hold me when I have a bad dream, or bad day. Someone I can laugh with about silly things. Someone I can sit next to on the couch in silence and it isn't awkward or weird. That person I can call just to say hi. The one that I can trust with all of me.

I guess that's when I realized what kind of lover I was. I never really dreamed about falling in love, I dreamed about growing into. Growing closer and closer with someone until I realized that I didn't want to have anyone else closer. That person in whose presence I feel more comfortable than anywhere else on earth.

That is me and my storge mind. I guess. I don't remember where I was going with the post when I started, I just kind of let it grow and evolve. I guess that's what I was really wanting to say.

And now it has led me to wonder if my dream of growing to love someone, and growing into a relationship is unrealistic.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

I guess I just wanted to speak for the Storges. I'm vastly outnumbered by my Eros friends, whom I love dearly. But many of them don't realize what worked for them will never work for me. Just as what works for me would be very difficult for them.

 Just remember that, especially when your well intentioned friends, family and roommates tell you how to love.