The art and science of catching the Bouquet.

So, I am pathetically good at catching the bouquet. No, really. I have caught six since December 2012.
which was this one here.

These are not the only attempts I have made at catching the bouquet. I thought I may give tips to other ladies among us who desire to catch the coveted bouquet. So through the success and failures of my bouquet catching, here is what I have learned.

Most ladies stand too far back.

This is a bouquet of flowers being thrown over the back of a head, not a ball being throw fast pitch. Most ladies in bouquet tosses stand forever far back, in hopes that it will somehow come to them, when in reality, it is probably going to fall very short of where you are standing.

Be taller than 5 ft nothing.

It is hard to catch the bouquet when you are standing in the middle of a lot of girls who really want it when you are shorter than all of them (which is why knowing that most of them are going to stand to far back is really helpful.)

Do not wear heels in the bouquet toss.

You have to jump and move to catch the bouquet. Even if you are a master at jumping in heels and not breaking your ankle when you land, there is a high chance of you landing on another girls feet, which could cause you to twist your ankle and really hurt her. It's also helpful to ditch accessories, like your purse.

Don't worry about catching it in front of the 9 year old girls.

I know this sounds really mean, but the bouquet toss is technically suppose to be for all single, ELIGIBLE girls. A 9 year old is not getting married anytime soon, so she shouldn't even be in the bouquet toss, technically. If I do catch it in front of a 9 year old, I will usually take off one flower and give it to her, but it won't stop me from catching it right over her head.

 

(another picture of a bouquet I caught)

You are less likely to catch the bouquet at the wedding of a 19 year old bride, than you are a 23+ year old bride.

I know to the non-mormon readers among us, having a 19 year old bride is crazy and uncommon. For those of us who are mormon, and living in Utah, we know a lot of them. So why are you less likely to catch it at the 19 year olds wedding? Because her friends want it. They haven't been to multiple weddings in a year yet. They don't know when the next one is coming, they haven't learned yet that they have another cousin/roommate/sister/friend who is about to get engaged and be getting married in the next six months. They haven't had that summer yet where you get 10 wedding announcements. They want that bouquet. They will jump over you for it. Plus, if they can catch that bouquet, they will never have to catch another one, which leads me to...

Catching the bouquet does not increase your chances.

Again, 6 bouquets in the last year and a half and I've not gotten so much as a boyfriend, let alone a husband. If you don't put the weight of your eternal happiness on catching that bouquet, you are going to be much happier. If you want to catch it, just because it is fun to catch it and there isn't  a lot of pressure, you are more likely to catch it.

Remember that you probably have another wedding coming up.

I went to my cousins wedding last week, the bouquet slipped right through my fingers (she was a 19 year old bride, lots of taller friends wanted it.) I was a little disappointed I didn't catch it, (mostly because it has become a game and challenge for me.) but I didn't despair because I have at least 3 friends getting married in the next four months. And I'm sure more to come, it is engagement season all around for those who are wanting to get married at semester.

So there you are, the art and science behind catching the bouquet. Best of luck at the next wedding you attend!

Styles of love and speaking for the storges.

So, we've all seen the movie. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, and in an hour and a half they have proclaimed there undying love for each other and they live happily every after.

We've also seen it with our friends (especially if you are mormon) they meet, fall in love, and 3-6 months later are engaged and are married within a year of knowing each other.

Because one style of love is ever really commonly shown, especially in the media, people don't seem to realize that there are other styles of love.

Yes, this is a real thing and not something I am making up. I learned about this in my interpersonal communications class and I am taking most of the information from that textbook, which is, "Interpersonal Communication. Everyday Encounters" sixth edition, written by Julia T. Wood. ...I'm not sure what type of citation to put in here, so that, I think, is enough information that I won't be accused of plagiarism. In fact while reading these below, I'm hovering between paraphrasing and word for word from the book, while defining the loves.

DISCLAIMER!!!! I am not writing this to say that one style is better than the other. I'm am writing this to inform that there are more ways to love than one, and maybe we should step back and actually learn what type of lover we are and what our friends are so that we stop shoving ideas down each others throats...

Now, I would like to clarify something else as well, I am referring only to romantic love in this post. About the style of love we have when it comes to finding a significant other.

So the three primary style of love, Eros, Storge, and Ludus. There are also secondary styles, but today I'm just focusing on the primary.

The first one, Eros, is the kind that we find most commonly in the media. It is powerful and passionate. It will burst into flames and come alive very quickly and often, loudly. This isn't limited to sexual attraction, but to spiritual, emotional, and/or intellectual. It is the most intuitive and spontaneous of the styles. Also, men, more often, are more Eros type loves.

Personal opinion, that is the biggest reason it is used in stories, whatever their medium. Because Eros relationships are filled with fire and passion so quickly that it makes for a good story, especially if it is only a two hour movie.

The second one is Storge, it is comfortable and based on friendship and compatibility. It tends to grow very gradually and is often very comfortable and stable. Often, it is based on common interests and values. They don't have those flaring highs that come with the fire of eros lovers, but, it also avoids fiery burns and hot tempers that come with quick flamed love.

This is the type of love that many people mistakenly think is the best thing in the world and something to be worked toward. While it is the most stable, if you are Eros, this type of relationship would be agonizing.

The third and last one is Ludus, which is a playful love. It is the style of love where people view love as a game. It is full of adventure and challenges. Love is a fun thing for them, and nothing rather serious. Often, commitment is not the goal. They enjoy falling in love. A lot of people will go through a ludic phase without actually being a ludus lover. And that is okay, in fact, after a long-term relationship has come to an end, it is normal to just date the field and have fun.

So now that we know what all the primary styles of love are lets talk about it real quick.  I am very much a Storge lover. I don't fall quickly, in fact, I rarely can pin point the moment when I have fallen. I just realize that I care far more and differently than I use to.

The main problem I have encounter being this way is that I have many, many, many, many, many Eros friends. And they don't understand that that doesn't work for me. I'm never going to see that person at first glance and go "It's him." I won't give that power or trust to someone I don't know.

I don't "fall into like" very quickly at all. I don't know after one date if I like you. I take a long time to evaluate what I feel and how much of my heart I am willing to give away to you.

I think most of this comes from being hurt multiple times, and I think some of it comes just because that's the way I am. I have plenty of fire and passion in me, but it isn't going to be coming out very easily.

And this has driven many of my friends absolutely insane.

And I guess that's where either I'm a stupid romantic or just have unrealistic expectations. I never pictured falling in love as fireworks and flashing lights and an orchestra.

I always pictured it as that person I grew to love. I always assumed fireworks had to be earned. I pictured love to be those moments between the fireworks. Having someone to hold me when I have a bad dream, or bad day. Someone I can laugh with about silly things. Someone I can sit next to on the couch in silence and it isn't awkward or weird. That person I can call just to say hi. The one that I can trust with all of me.

I guess that's when I realized what kind of lover I was. I never really dreamed about falling in love, I dreamed about growing into. Growing closer and closer with someone until I realized that I didn't want to have anyone else closer. That person in whose presence I feel more comfortable than anywhere else on earth.

That is me and my storge mind. I guess. I don't remember where I was going with the post when I started, I just kind of let it grow and evolve. I guess that's what I was really wanting to say.

And now it has led me to wonder if my dream of growing to love someone, and growing into a relationship is unrealistic.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

I guess I just wanted to speak for the Storges. I'm vastly outnumbered by my Eros friends, whom I love dearly. But many of them don't realize what worked for them will never work for me. Just as what works for me would be very difficult for them.

 Just remember that, especially when your well intentioned friends, family and roommates tell you how to love.

So here is a 2 month update

Yeah, I know it's been awhile. 

I think the last time I posted was beginning of April, and then life happened. 

So here is the skinny.

The Saturday before Dead week my car breaking down #1 happened. Right as I was suppose to head to Salt Lake for a bridal shower. And I also had work the next day. I worked almost every weekend in April, to help make up for quitting Avalon early. 

I took my car to a place called Master Mechanics in Providence. They did well enough work, but oh they were expensive. I spent $999.17 on a new intake manifold gasket, new wires for the spark plugs and a new battery. Ridiculously expensive, I know.

I took my car in the next Monday, and didn't get it back till Wednesday, 6 hours later than I was suppose to get it back. Which caused me to be late to our dress rehearsal in the Salt Lake Tabernacle, yup, I got to sing there. It is a very interesting space to sing in. I also signed a lease for an apartment that day and then worked. Because that is what I do.

That weekend I sang in the Tabernacle, and had my final choir performance for the year on Saturday. Which was a rough day. It had actually been a really rough week, and things just kept happening. 

Now we fast forward to Finals week. I needed to move out by noon Friday, my last final was at 9:30 Friday. 

I take Monday as a day to chill, having three days after that to pack. Except I forgot about the fact I had offered to cover a spot at work in Salt Lake on Wednesday. Which takes an entire day away from me, and I needed to study Thursday for my final.

So I send out a mass text and facebook call asking for help from anyone who isn't busy. Fully expecting no one to show up, because that is kind of my history. When the first of many angels to show up is Michelle. Followed closely by Charles. They pretty much packed my bedroom for me. And then we went to Michelle and Vox's so they could help Charles with some studying.

Now, due to all the fun stuff in the air and then fact that I had stirred up a bunch of dust in my room, I woke up Wednesday coughing. That night I started packing the kitchen stuff, because I have way to much of it.

Thursday I start the day by doing 4 hours of yard work for my grandma, thinking that I was better by this point...I wasn't. The cough had turned into a cold. Then I rent a storage unit, and my dear friend Michelle comes to my rescue again and helps me finish packing my kitchen. She leaves for dinner while I pack up my bathroom. My friend Kylie, from freshman year had offered her truck to help me move stuff to the storage unit. So she comes, and then Michelle was back and we started loading up the truck. My roommate Jacie heard us loading a truck, so she came out to help. And then the boys two doors down realized we were packing a truck and came to help. Then a train of cars followed to the unit and helped me unload. After that Kylie and I visited for about an hour, we had two years of life to catch up on. She left around 9 and I took a very hot shower to try and clear my sinuses. It worked for about 15 minutes. I then grabbed a book that I was giving to a friend, so I drove over to Ambers. She came to the door, 10:00 at night, I said "this is the first free moment I've had today to bring it over." She looks at me and says "sit down. Do you need IB profen?" and she basically jumped into mom mode as I felt like dying, and I really needed a mom at that moment, but mine was in Texas. Amber almost didn't let me go home, but I needed to because I was going to ask the boys two doors down for a blessing. So when I left I went and asked them and it was good.

Friday I woke up and bombed my final, I had never had a chance to study. Thankfully I had a good enough grade in the class that it only took me down to a B+, but I was really excited for an A-. Oh well. I then go home to load the car with everything I was taking to Salt Lake. Jenn comes by to grab some books and ends up staying to help pack and clean, along with my visiting teacher and her two roommates and Charles. After everything is loaded and cleaned I go to Michelle and Vox's to sleep on their couch, because I don't have the energy to drive to Salt Lake, I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep. I wake up in the afternoon, drive to Salt Lake, get my key, and get to my apartment in the avenues. Where my first impression of my roommates is "sorry, I'd help, but I'm leaving in five minutes". They have turned out to be really nice girls, but I was so tired and sick I just wanted to move back to Logan. I called my friend Kenzie, who came and helped me move in (I live in the second floor of an old house) and the guy upstairs also helped me move in.

Once I finally got some sleep, life got way better. 

Saturday, I wake up and go to work. I was tempted to call in sick, instead I asked if I could just switch sites to one that would be a little easier (less dusty) on my lungs. Which they were more than happy to accommodate. I usually remember to ask for the day after I move off, but I had forgotten. And then right after work I had to head to a wedding reception in Ogden. Where I got to see Michael and Sarah again for the first time in 2 years.

It was so great to see them again. I miss them so much, and am so sad they are in Georgia, but they are loving it there, so that's a good thing.

I then started working pretty much full time, and now completely full time at the park. I planted the gardens at the Andrus and Gardiner Cabin, which has been very fun and I've loved working in gardens again.

About 2-3 weeks into living in my new apartment, I am on my way to Jim and Heathers to carpool to a co-workers wedding reception...insert car breaking down #2. I was on the corner of 5th and 13th (a very busy intersection) sitting at a red light about 6 o'clock (a very busy time on that road) when my car just turned off and wouldn't turn back on. 

That was fun.

Jim wasn't far behind me and happened to call just as my car broke down. So he and Heather came and rescued me. He called his friend Omar to tow the car. Turns out my fuel pump had broken and my engine wasn't getting enough gas.  Thankfully, Omar had it fixed with 48 hours, during which time Jim and Heather graciously gave me rides to work and let me stay at their house. And entire new fuel system, $340. 

More maintence of gardens. Work drama. resolution of work drama. Boy problems....more boy problems...these things happen. Roommate drama. more friends getting engaged and married. People getting pregnant. This is in no particular order.

Week after I get my car back Grandpa Fred and Grandma Joy come through  Salt Lake on their way to Idaho. After visiting with them, car breaking down #3, my clutch went out. About a $400 job. But it also happened to break down memorial day weekend, so I wasn't able to get my car back until Wednesday. during which time, again, Jim and Heather were the greatest friends ever and gave me places to sleep and rides and such. 

I've learned this last year what it feels like to have friends really care about you. It's a good feeling.

When I get my car back, they tell me they also found a leak in the radiator. After many attempts with John and Jen to help fix it, it was back in the shop a week later. But, I did get it fixed for only $126. So for a little less than what I paid in Logan, look at what I got fixed in Salt Lake. Never taking my car to Master Mechanics again.

More garden, work, boy, roommate, life happening. 

And now here we are, the day after a very fun murder mystery that deserves it's own blog post. I pulled my first crop out of a garden today, radishes. To bad I don't like radishes. But at least they are growing. And very tired. 

In short, these last two months have flown by, and have not been short on adventures.

Play Time

Yes, as a matter of fact I am doing back to back posts on play.

Because play is important.

For some reason, as we grow up we seem to think that playing isn't important, and is also rather childish. However, recently I had to pick a health subject to create a campaign  to promote a healthy behavior. I chose play.

There is research to back up the importance of play. There is even an National Institution of Play. Did you know that? I didn't until a few days ago.

But here are some of the reasons that Play is healthful and something that should be part of our lives.

-It relieves stress
-It fosters creativity
- It enhances problem solving skills
-It is important to our mental and physical health
-It supercharges learning
-It helps us connect to each others
-Play can help with loneliness, isolation, anxiety and depression
-It also makes us happy.

So why do we not make time to play?

For some reason our society (from my observations) has become so obsessed with success, to the point we forget that life isn't just about work, but it is something to be enjoyed and cherished. All the money and monetary success will mean nothing if we are miserable getting there.

Life is such a precious gift, why not enjoy it?

Play doesn't have to be stressful or take a lot of time, in fact you can even find ways to bring it into your work.

It also doesn't mean vegging in front of the couch.

Playing sports is play. Dancing. Board games. Table top games. Taking walks with friends. Attending concerts and performances. Telling riddles and jokes. It can even be as simple as lunch with a friend.

We all need time to unwind and enjoy the world around us. So as you stress, be it for end of semester or just life in general, take time to play today.

Play theory

Have I told you guys about Play Theory?

Because it is pretty awesome.

It's this club on campus that my friends happen to be starting, well...starting the USU chapter. They were in it down in LDS Business college.

Anyway, it is a club that is all about learning life skills, like happiness, through improv games.

Right up my alley, right?

So we have 4 principles that we focus on and learn about and practice through playing, they are as follows :

1. Be 100% present.
2. Let go and play.
3. Say yes, and...
4. Look outward.

Are these not great principles to live life by?

Be 100% present
I feel like this one is self explanatory. It is hard to accomplish much of anything, if you are not in the moment. You have to be aware of the now to enjoy the now.

Let go and play.
Seriously, stop taking yourself so seriously. Life is also meant to be enjoyed.

Say yes, and...
Don't always be the one to say no. Except what life throws you and the add to it.

Look Outward.
When you try to make others look good, you inadvertently make yourself look good.

Theses are just Mandy's translations of the principles, the real ones are much more eloquent.

But basically. I love play theory, and I am so glad I get to go play once a week. 

Why I loved Frozen

Okay, I know that there are a million posts out there about frozen and arguing what it is really saying to everyone.

But let me be annoying and throw one more out there.

I know that everyone has been claiming that frozen is pushing the "gay agenda". I'll be honest, the first, second and third time I saw it, I didn't jump to that conclusion.

I can plainly see how everyone is seeing that. And it is a completely valid perspective.

But I am looking through different eyes.

I saw a girl, who struggled with something that was part of her. She felt that she was not allowed to show it, she wasn't allowed to have it. If she just concealed it and ignored it, maybe it would go away. Maybe it wouldn't exist.

She finally hit a point where she let it out, and people reacted....let's say poorly...

So she ran away to be by herself so that she could be herself. She was finally allowed to feel things that were part of her.

This is what I saw because this is the battle I have fought with myself.

I have my own trials, as all of us do. But one thing that society and many of the people heavily involved in my life taught me was that I am not allowed feelings.

I am not allowed to be sad. I am not allowed to get angry. I am not allowed bad days. I am not allowed to be confused. I am not allowed to be frustrated. I am not allowed to be hurt.

Basically, if it was a negative emotion, it was not allowed.

So I learned to hide them.

"Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know."

I was not allowed to have the emotions that are part of being human. So I tried to get rid of them. I tried to control them. If I could conceal them, they didn't exist. If I didn't feel them, they didn't matter.

But that doesn't work forever.

Eventually the human in me came out. I had a terrible year with a lot of problems. And these negative emotions started coming out.

I got sad. I got angry. I got frustrated. All because I was hurting.

And when they started coming out people who were in my life, even good friends, reacted...let's say poorly...

I began to be ostracized when I was trying to scream for help. So I "ran away". Metaphorically speaking, of course. I shut down. I turned all feelings off. Including happy ones.

However, we  as humans, don't work well when we simply don't feel. So I started staying in more and more. I skipped classes so I didn't have to be around people. Because when I was alone, I was allowed feelings again. That's when I could be angry or frustrated or sad or hurt or happy or accomplished or smart.

When I was alone, I could be me.

The difference between Elsa and I? No one came after me.

Well...false...ONE TIME, I had one friend who realized I was dangerously not okay, and he did come by and we went for a long drive. He was the only one.

And that was enough.

I decided somewhere that I should consider re-joining the human race.

But I was still hiding my "powers" or the negative emotions. I couldn't trust these new close friends with them yet.

Slowly, I let them know this and that, so that they could understand that I do have problems and struggles, I am just not allowed to show them.

One in particular (simply because I spent the most time around him, as we are attending the same school) learned a lot more and has been able to see a lot more than anyone else.

All of the sudden, I was allowed to have my "powers", that thing that was part of me. And because they were now allowed, I was able to start controlling them. I was able to work through and with them in a constructive manner.

That is why I loved Frozen.

And because all of us have those challenges that aren't always accepted, it strikes a chord in all of us.

I love that it was so beautifully done that everyone could start seeing and thinking and interpreting things about it.

It was wonderful.

  

Happy Valentines Day!!!

I would like to wish everyone a most sincere and happy Valentines day!!!

And no, it is NOT Singles awareness day.

Seriously, if you want my un-filtered opinion about how much I hate people calling it that, ask me in person sometime.

And before you go all "well, you must have never been alone on Valentines or you would understand" on me, in the 23 Valentines that I have been around for, I've not had someone to spend a single one of them with. So, yeah, trust me, I know what being alone on Valentines is like.

But do you want to know what today is about?

An entire DAY dedicated to YOU being able to express YOUR love for the people that YOU care about.

It's not about receiving gifts.

Not that there is anything wrong with receiving affection, or that enjoying them is bad.

But stop focusing on what you are getting or not getting.

Think about all the people in your life that you love and care about.

Think about all the times you wished you could let them know.

YOU GET AN ENTIRE DAY TO LET THEM KNOW!!!!!

Not that you can't love them other days of the year. In fact you should.

But do you know how much better Valentines day is when you aren't focusing on yourself and how lonely you are?

SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

What I do on Valentines, I buy a bunch of candy and I go around giving it to people all day.

yes I know I'm odd.

But I figured out that if I can't have a Valentine, doesn't mean I can't be one.

So I hope that no matter your relationship status, you may have a very Happy Valentines.