random ramblings that are of no great consequence.

This is me paying attention in my grammar class. Actually, she has finished the lecture, and we are suppose to be using this time to work on a quiz...i'm a lot behind in this class.

I don't try to be a bad student. I don't try to be stupid. I just don't care about this class. I don't care about any of my classes, quite frankly. I don't want to go anymore.

I know I need to pick a new major. I get that. I need something to be excited about with school. But does anyone know how hard that actually is? I don't want to pick something new to fall in love with just to watch it get taken away from me again.

I know, I know. "you just have to learn to trust that it won't. You can't give up before you start or you'll never get it" I understand that.

you try it.

I know a lot of people have it worse than me. I know it's not suppose to be easy. But when life keeps turning out the same no matter how hard you try to make it different, it's hard to believe that it ever will be different.

I really don't like thinking that way.

I wish I was a good student. I really wish I was. I've never learned how to study though. I've always been able to get by, honestly, by completely BSing my homework. I've never been able to figure out when I get homework done, or how I pass. In high school I literally didn't try. And I got mostly A's and B's. Same thing happened when I go to college. I faked my way through a lot, and I got decent grades. Yeah, i didn't learn as much as the other students. But i've never been very book smart anyway.

In fact, I hate school. I just hate being in school. I'm a hard worker, why can't I learn on the job? I know why, i really do. I'm just sick of feeling stupid after class every single day of my life.

I didn't mean for this to be a downer post today. I really didn't. ugh. I really am trying to be happier in life. I promise. I'm trying to take care of it. It is so much easier said than done.

I'm just trying to learn how to breathe underwater.