short up date

9 exercises down. 7 quizzes and a notebook by midnight. revise one paper. type a short creative writing assignment. finish unit plan. I got this.

CHELSEA GOT HER MISSION CALL TODAY!!!!! just waiting for her to open it. The suspense is killing me. i can't imagine how much worse it must be for her right now.

this one is short and sweet. Just needed something to get my mind off my homework for a few minutes. then i'm going to go home, eat something fast, and do more homework. get my quizzes worked on.

Had my last institute class of the semester today. I think I might take the second half of the old testament next semester. I love taking from brother Gordon. He has his doctorate in Hebrew, so he has an amazing wealth of knowledge. But I think I might also take the teaching seminary class.

anyway, back to work

To-do

I think i just may survive this semester...if I can get off the internet and start working on the massive pile of homework and such that i have due this week.

first, grammar. I need to catch up on the exercises and do the 7 quizzes that i've yet to do. then make a grammar notebook. due at midnight tomorrow.

Second, early american literature. type creative writing assignment. (this will take maybe 30 minutes) write final draft of analysis paper of Charlotte Temple...hopefully no more than an hour...but i should probably plan 2.

Third. Teaching literature. Unit plan...make the lessons. make a rubric. print it off. turn it in...oi.

fourth. get to a store. buy shoes and black top for server gig at coppermill on Friday.

Saturday. sleep. go to kelsie's ugly sweater party. :) clean the room. clean the bathroom.

If i can make it through all of this...i should be fine. And my goal is to stay more on top of things next semester than i did this semester. But i say that every semester...so eventually it will work...right?

A day of ordinary miracles

I've decided that I want to try something in the neat future. I don't know if I'll try it till next week, even though I should start this week, cause i feel like this week is the day that i'll need it.

I want to spend a day seeing the ordinary miracles that surround us everyday. I want to se the beauty of a sunrise, or the first snow fall of the year. I want to see the magic of children laughing. I want to see the victory dances people do when they survive a final. I want to appreciate my food and everything it took for me to have it. Just a day of ordinary miracles.

Didn't you know that miracles surround us everyday? The miracle of a best friend. The miracle of getting up in the morning. The miracle of existing. I want to spend a day seeing only that. How wonderful would that day be do you think?

Maybe it's just my life starting to come together that i'm starting to think like this again. I don't know. But i like it. Life is brighter when you don't have a dark cloud over you.

I still have a long way to go. But maybe what i really need is one day of ordinary miracles.

2 weeks and counting

I have two weeks of classes left...i already skipped grammar and institute today. (although, in my defense, my roommate really needed to vent because she was on the verge of a break down. I figured that was a little more important than institute.) and i'm not actually planning on going to my teaching literature class. although I am going to go to campus and work on my unit plan. And write a rough draft of a paper tonight. I hate writing analysis papers. they bore me.

I am trying to pass classes I promise. I just have a serious lack of motivation that i'm having an increasingly difficult time getting past.

I also have no idea what to get my family for Christmas. Especially the parental units. no idea. suggestions are welcomed and encouraged.

I'm really rambly today, but i'm trying to be better about blogging again. maybe it will help with writing. or just sorting out life. i like the sorting out life idea.

anyway. yeah.

Another year of thanks

As always, I must do the very cliche' but still sincere thankful post.

Things I am thankful for. (in no specific order)

1. Better friends than I deserve. They have helped me through a lot this year.

2. AMAZING ROOMMATES!

3. My family, despite all the fights we get into.

4. the opportunity to find out that i do not want to be an english teacher.

5. Chamber singers.

6. my calling as a relief society teacher.

7. A car that is somehow still working.

8. This learning how to be an adult thing.

9. perspective.

10. food.

11. the chance to go to China

12. The best summer job anybody could ever hope to have

13. Amazing co-workers and bosses at said job.

14. them letting me be pageant royalty.

15. The chance to eat dinner with Jim's family, and make cookies. and the conversation we had.

16. The Atonement

17. The incomprehensible love that the Lord has for us.

18. A new idea to work on writing.

19. A small Christmas tree for our front room

20. the internet

21. cell phones

22. indoor plumbing

23. patches (grandma's cat)

24. when gas prices go down

25. opportunities to serve others.

26. music

27. performing every now and then

28. chapstick

29. awesome landlords, and a great apartment

30. Surviving the last year.

This is a short list, but a very true one. I know it's a few days late, it happens. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Lets remember our thanks throughout the year. :)

thoughts

Sometimes, i really miss band. I went to a wind symphony concert last night and I remembered how much fun i use to have in band. I think my problem with life is i love to many things, i don't know how to get good at any of them.

I've played, oboe, cymbals, cowbell, violin, minimal piano and guitar, i sing, i've done theatre, i danced when i was younger. And i wasn't terrible at any of them. I wasn't always good, but i was never bad.

I wish there was a way to just combine all the things I've learned into a job of some kind. I believe that music and theatre will change the world. They speak to us in ways nothing else can.

I have had so much random experience, I can accomplish a lot of things, but I have no idea how to present to the world that I can do these things. I really like the idea of combining communications and music into a major, but I don't know how to do it. grrr.

i'm also really tired right now as I'm writing this, so it's a little over the place. I've been so tired the last week or so and the last 2 days i've had awesome headaches. i hate headaches.

but i'm getting my laundry done right now, thats a good thing...right?

random ramblings that are of no great consequence.

This is me paying attention in my grammar class. Actually, she has finished the lecture, and we are suppose to be using this time to work on a quiz...i'm a lot behind in this class.

I don't try to be a bad student. I don't try to be stupid. I just don't care about this class. I don't care about any of my classes, quite frankly. I don't want to go anymore.

I know I need to pick a new major. I get that. I need something to be excited about with school. But does anyone know how hard that actually is? I don't want to pick something new to fall in love with just to watch it get taken away from me again.

I know, I know. "you just have to learn to trust that it won't. You can't give up before you start or you'll never get it" I understand that.

you try it.

I know a lot of people have it worse than me. I know it's not suppose to be easy. But when life keeps turning out the same no matter how hard you try to make it different, it's hard to believe that it ever will be different.

I really don't like thinking that way.

I wish I was a good student. I really wish I was. I've never learned how to study though. I've always been able to get by, honestly, by completely BSing my homework. I've never been able to figure out when I get homework done, or how I pass. In high school I literally didn't try. And I got mostly A's and B's. Same thing happened when I go to college. I faked my way through a lot, and I got decent grades. Yeah, i didn't learn as much as the other students. But i've never been very book smart anyway.

In fact, I hate school. I just hate being in school. I'm a hard worker, why can't I learn on the job? I know why, i really do. I'm just sick of feeling stupid after class every single day of my life.

I didn't mean for this to be a downer post today. I really didn't. ugh. I really am trying to be happier in life. I promise. I'm trying to take care of it. It is so much easier said than done.

I'm just trying to learn how to breathe underwater.