Happy Halloween!

Apparently I am the only student on campus who remembered it was Halloween. Or else maybe everyone who isn't an art major just didn't dress up. I'm seeing that as a major possibility. At least over in the arts side of campus people don't look at you weird when you dress up for Halloween.

The depressing part of my costume? I can't wear it to work today. :(

I was trying so hard to find something I could wear to work, because I work in a kitchen, right? So I can't pull out my usual costumes because they involve wearing or carrying large pieces of cardboard, or wearing a shoe on my head, or things like that.

No, I've not had a normal costume since 7th grade.

So I am finally like "GOT IT!" (this is probably the worst executed costume I've had in the last 7 years) I am a Freshman's (college) Diet! I've got ramen, and cereal, and pop tarts, and peanut butter, and fruit snaks and fast food, etc., wrappers taped all over my shirt.

I thought it was brilliant.

Until I realized I can't wear it to work. Because I'm not even allowed to say the word "diet" at work. (it's emotionally loaded language and actually makes a lot of sense). So if I can't even say the word, How I'm I suppose to dress up as a diet? I could actually get in a lot of trouble.

This is why i wish i could have pulled off my assault and battery costume (dress up as a salt shaker and tape batteries all over yourself) But I lacked the resources. Making it incredible difficult.

So I guess I'll go around my boring campus and pretend like people are cool enough to dress up.

The nice part, is I don't actually care that I am the weirdo walking around with wrappers taped to me. I guess that means I've come a long way since Jr. High. I am literally the only person in this lab remotely close to being dressed up and I'm just thinking about how boring everyone else is and not about how stupid I actually look.

So yeah, basically. Dress up for Halloween. It's more fun that way.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!!

Well, at least I got two posts in this month.

Right, so...it's been awhile...

Here is my excuse, mid-terms, new employment, wedding in Minnesota, not enough time to sit down and process much of anything. Especially process it enough to for an actual blog post out of it.

So, sorry.

But at least I got 2 whole posts in this month.

Just for a little bit of catch up, I don't remember if I told you about my small group communication class and how our first presentation was a presentation on the "best date" and we were competing for the A grade. Only one A would be given out, the next group would get an A- and so on so forth down to a B+.

Well my group decided that everyone should go on a part of the date and take pictures for our slide show, so that we actually have some credibility to claim this as the best date.

Here is a picture if me and my friend Charles, who said he would go with me.

(P.S. I'm a little bit proud of taking that picture without making it look completely obvious that I took that picture. Also, my portion of the date was "star gazing.) if you would like to see our video about the best date, leave a comment and I can send you the link to the youtube video that we made for class.

Anyway, WE TOTALLY GOT THE A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty stoked about it. We worked hard and so I'm pretty excited.

I mentioned that I have a job now. I am a cook at an eating disorder treatment facility. It is an interesting job. We make really good food. But it is interesting and kind of hard to go from people literally begging you to cook to people refusing to eat your food. I don't take it personally, but seeing the looks on their faces when they have food in front of them is just heartbreaking. But it is a good job and I am learning a lot.

I also worked Little Haunts down at the park again, which was way fun, and if you want proof I know the coolest people ever, here is a picture of us in our uniforms.

Yes, I do have a picture where we aren't all laughing, but I think this one is more fun. And no, we do not have a pirate amongst us, he is a privateer.

The next week i went out to Minnesota for my friend Sharaea's wedding. (I think i may have even spelled her name right.) We have been friends since we were 8 years old and she asked me to be her Maid of Honor, so I was. It was so interesting and fun to see her again and also just to go back to Minnesota. Where it is cold. Period.

I also shamelessly flirted with the DJ the entire reception and it was just a ton of fun, because we both pretty much didn't know anyone but the bride and groom, and the brides family.

Now I'm back in Logan and life seems to be settling back in to some form of stable abnormal. I think I even have my Halloween costume for tomorrow and I'm excited to put it together.

I also have a goal to post more than 2 times in the month of November.

Happy Halloween everyone!

...Baby steps?

So remember how I was starting to actually have all these good habits? Like reading my textbooks, or keeping my room clean, or studying.

Well...that lasted only a good tow weeks.

We now look at the last two weeks when I forgot to take a quiz, didn't clean my room for a whole week (if you know me, you know my room can get Katrina-ish [as in that hurricane that hit New Orleans when I was in Jr. High] in a matter of days.)

And now it's the day before a presentation and an hour before my test...what did I do last night?

I listened to Charles give me the rough draft version of the story he is writing...BUT IT WAS SO GOOD!!! I'm excited to see it turn into the full story.

...and now I know remember nothing about the first four chapters of interpersonal communication...

And it's not like I didn't have time to study. I had plenty of time, I just didn't manage my time well.

So...I guess here are the baby steps to where Mandy is actually improving.

1. I cleaned my room yesterday instead of letting it get worse and worse until Fall Break comes around.

2. I'm owning up to the fact that it's my own dang fault that I haven't accomplished my school work and not making up lame excuses.

3. I make my bed almost every morning. (Mom, aren't you so proud? I finally learned after 22 years of life!)

4. I'm starting to take ownership of my feelings. I'm learning less and less to allow someone to "make me angry" Instead of saying "you make me angry" I try to say " I am angry" and then attribute some of the reasons to the person.

5. I'm owning that I have feelings, and I'm trying to inch towards actually sharing them with people. (seriously, you have no idea how big of a deal this actually is. I don't do well with vulnerability.)

I'm sure there are a few more, like I'm trying to do less negative self talk and even working on some positive self talk.

The big thing is that I am aware I am a different person than I was a year ago, and I'm hoping that I'm becoming a better one day by day, just with little baby steps in the right direction.

Why you should ask questions.

It was a Saturday morning like any other Saturday morning...

I woke up later than i do during the week, and decided "yeah, I should probably clean my room and kitchen today." So I go to the kitchen to eat a light breakfast. A lovely, yummy peach.

As I start making my bed I get a phone call from Charles. He wanted to know if I wanted to join him, Ham (the son of the people he is living with), Syd (Sam's fiance) and their friend Cody on a hike. I'm all "yeah, I'd love to."

I LOVE hiking, hiking does not love me.

So I get dressed and get over to their place.

Ham told Charles they were hiking up to a Lake, Charles assumed it was a light hike, which is what he told me.

For your information, if you tell me "light hike" I'm gonna think you mean like a 1 1/2 mile hike like the wind caves.

Charles assumed it was going to be like a 3 mile light hike up to a lake.

Want to know what it really was?...

5 1/2 miles up the side of a freaking mountain to a lake.

one way.

So we start hiking. And again, I'm the slowest hiker in the world. So Charles, being the kind soul that he is, stayed behind with me. As we get farther and farther behind.

4 1/2 hours later we are almost to the end of the trail (we know because we bumped into another hiker) I am almost completely out of energy because all i had to eat all day was a peach. My stomach starts to cramp up, and since we are so close (as in like...3/4 of a mile to the end) Charles goes ahead to meet up with the rest of our group so that he or them can come back with some food for me and also to let them know that we are not dead.

After he leaves I take a rest on a rock for like 5 minutes, then move to the next rock...then the next...stopping at each one for about 5 minutes. Around rock four is when I threw up on the side of the trail...but that gave me a surprising amount of energy, and I was able to keep going along the trail. I thought I was going to make it to the end and then I saw that I had to go pretty much up the side of a ridge...I said "not happening bro." and waited for everyone else to come back.

So that's the end of the story, right? WRONG! Now I have to hike back the 5 miles I've come.

and again we get far behind everyone, because I'm slow and out of shape. But about a mile- two miles before the end of the trail, we come across the nicest human beings on the planet. They were riding their horses up their and the man got off his horse and let me ride it to the end of the trail.

Seriously, nicest humans EVER!

But of course then I was also saddle sore.

It was really funny to watch me try and walk Sunday. I was so stiff, but I had to keep laughing about it because there was really nothing else to do. It was just to funny.

Moral of the story? Make sure you ask questions and KNOW what you are getting yourself into BEFORE you go on a hike. Your life will probably be infinitely better.

Life is good.

Life is good.

I don't know the last time I said that and actually meant it.

I'm doing well in classes, I have a job that will pay me $9 an hour and I think I am going to love it.

I even went on a date last night.

The stars were so pretty, as was Tony's Grove.

I still have other issues I'm working on, but life is good again.

I'm so excited fall is here, I need to find apples so I can make pies and crisp. and stargazing with one blanket to share it never a bad thing...:)

I just like being happy again. I love seeing the good again. I'm sad that I spent a year so blind to the wonders around me.

I have dear friends who say nice things about me, in ways that I'll actually listen.

Life is good.

Piece by piece, putting it together.

Guys, I think I may have this student thing down...

I had a paper due yesterday, guess when it was finished? Wednesday.

I haven't forgotten an on-line quiz yet. I am ahead on my reading, and I am starting on my next assignment for class...

Do you know how much stress that takes away?

I also have made myself a bedtime, I'm trying this new thing where I have regular sleep hours to see if it helps me sleep any better. I am now in bed before or at the latest 11:00pm and I am out of bed before 8 in the morning, usually closer to seven because I have classes. and guess what, I think it's working. I've been waking up less in the middle of the night.

I also, this week, started hiking my butt up Old Main hill instead of being lazy and taking the shuttle. My legs hate me, but it helps wake me up for class. I also went on a walk with an old roommate yesterday. I really am slowly trying to get physical activity back into my life.

I've also opened my scriptures four days in a row, and last night I even read 3 chapters. I didn't retain very much, but I read them. I am also trying to get morning prayers back into my life.

I am cooking meals again...well...if I have somebody else around that will help me eat food. But It does leave me leftovers, and even when I have no one else to cook for I still have more veggies in my life.

I know these seem like really small things to a lot of people, but for me, especially after this last year, these are huge milestones. Like mega milestones. The fact that I am putting more effort back into my appearance. The fact that I opened my scriptures. The fact that I generally am okay with being around people. The fact that I hike my butt up Old Main multiple times a day, or that I am actually sleeping. These are such good things.

And I am happier. I have felt better, mentally, the last 2 months than I have in over a year. I have people who are pleasant to be around. I have several dear friends who have said very nice things to me, and I am not sure they know just how much those kind words mean to me and how much I've needed them. I wish I was better at expressing my gratitude for them.

I'm nowhere near where I want to be mentally, physically, or spiritually, but I am finally starting to make steps in the right direction instead of just being stuck stagnant and even digressing a little bit. And progress feels good. I am so grateful that I am finally, slowly, putting my life back together.

Starting my fifth year.

So, yeah, I know it's been awhile. So...yeah. Starting school will do that to you.

So, starting my fifth year of school, I'm now down to 3 classes, as I was asked to leave the Utah State University Chamber Singers. Crushed, devastated, and heartbroken do not begin to describe what I felt when I was asked to leave. But I'm not bitter. Dr. Evans needs to do what is best for the choir, and I intend to attend every concert of theirs.

I had a job offer, and then I turned it down because it just didn't feel right, so i'm really hoping I can find something in the next few weeks, or else the adventures of Mickey D's may be returning soon to a theatre near you.

Labor Day weekend, I worked Saturday down at This is the Place. I'd only been gone a week and I missed it. But it was fun to be back in Salt Lake. Charles and I drove down and we crashed with Jim and Heather. I love being with their family. I miss families.

On Labor Day I went with Charles and his family friends up to Bear Lake. I'VE BEEN SAILING!!!! It was so much fun!!! And then I got really cold, because it's me. and that's what happens.

Then this most recent weekend, we went back down to salt Lake. Charles was participating in this awesome event called "Mastering Knighthood". Basically he got to sword fight with children all day and make them feel awesome! how cool is that?

I went to brunch with Kelton, I miss his face, but I'm so glad he is doing so well down in Salt Lake.

Heather gave me a haircut too and let me borrow her curling iron, so I did my hair for once, and according to Charles it looked very nice.

And now we are back up in Logan, you are caught up with the major events (which is funny, because they really all seam so trivial. But they are my life. I guess life is made of trivial things.)

And I have class in 25 minutes, so I need to go.