So here is a 2 month update

Yeah, I know it's been awhile. 

I think the last time I posted was beginning of April, and then life happened. 

So here is the skinny.

The Saturday before Dead week my car breaking down #1 happened. Right as I was suppose to head to Salt Lake for a bridal shower. And I also had work the next day. I worked almost every weekend in April, to help make up for quitting Avalon early. 

I took my car to a place called Master Mechanics in Providence. They did well enough work, but oh they were expensive. I spent $999.17 on a new intake manifold gasket, new wires for the spark plugs and a new battery. Ridiculously expensive, I know.

I took my car in the next Monday, and didn't get it back till Wednesday, 6 hours later than I was suppose to get it back. Which caused me to be late to our dress rehearsal in the Salt Lake Tabernacle, yup, I got to sing there. It is a very interesting space to sing in. I also signed a lease for an apartment that day and then worked. Because that is what I do.

That weekend I sang in the Tabernacle, and had my final choir performance for the year on Saturday. Which was a rough day. It had actually been a really rough week, and things just kept happening. 

Now we fast forward to Finals week. I needed to move out by noon Friday, my last final was at 9:30 Friday. 

I take Monday as a day to chill, having three days after that to pack. Except I forgot about the fact I had offered to cover a spot at work in Salt Lake on Wednesday. Which takes an entire day away from me, and I needed to study Thursday for my final.

So I send out a mass text and facebook call asking for help from anyone who isn't busy. Fully expecting no one to show up, because that is kind of my history. When the first of many angels to show up is Michelle. Followed closely by Charles. They pretty much packed my bedroom for me. And then we went to Michelle and Vox's so they could help Charles with some studying.

Now, due to all the fun stuff in the air and then fact that I had stirred up a bunch of dust in my room, I woke up Wednesday coughing. That night I started packing the kitchen stuff, because I have way to much of it.

Thursday I start the day by doing 4 hours of yard work for my grandma, thinking that I was better by this point...I wasn't. The cough had turned into a cold. Then I rent a storage unit, and my dear friend Michelle comes to my rescue again and helps me finish packing my kitchen. She leaves for dinner while I pack up my bathroom. My friend Kylie, from freshman year had offered her truck to help me move stuff to the storage unit. So she comes, and then Michelle was back and we started loading up the truck. My roommate Jacie heard us loading a truck, so she came out to help. And then the boys two doors down realized we were packing a truck and came to help. Then a train of cars followed to the unit and helped me unload. After that Kylie and I visited for about an hour, we had two years of life to catch up on. She left around 9 and I took a very hot shower to try and clear my sinuses. It worked for about 15 minutes. I then grabbed a book that I was giving to a friend, so I drove over to Ambers. She came to the door, 10:00 at night, I said "this is the first free moment I've had today to bring it over." She looks at me and says "sit down. Do you need IB profen?" and she basically jumped into mom mode as I felt like dying, and I really needed a mom at that moment, but mine was in Texas. Amber almost didn't let me go home, but I needed to because I was going to ask the boys two doors down for a blessing. So when I left I went and asked them and it was good.

Friday I woke up and bombed my final, I had never had a chance to study. Thankfully I had a good enough grade in the class that it only took me down to a B+, but I was really excited for an A-. Oh well. I then go home to load the car with everything I was taking to Salt Lake. Jenn comes by to grab some books and ends up staying to help pack and clean, along with my visiting teacher and her two roommates and Charles. After everything is loaded and cleaned I go to Michelle and Vox's to sleep on their couch, because I don't have the energy to drive to Salt Lake, I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep. I wake up in the afternoon, drive to Salt Lake, get my key, and get to my apartment in the avenues. Where my first impression of my roommates is "sorry, I'd help, but I'm leaving in five minutes". They have turned out to be really nice girls, but I was so tired and sick I just wanted to move back to Logan. I called my friend Kenzie, who came and helped me move in (I live in the second floor of an old house) and the guy upstairs also helped me move in.

Once I finally got some sleep, life got way better. 

Saturday, I wake up and go to work. I was tempted to call in sick, instead I asked if I could just switch sites to one that would be a little easier (less dusty) on my lungs. Which they were more than happy to accommodate. I usually remember to ask for the day after I move off, but I had forgotten. And then right after work I had to head to a wedding reception in Ogden. Where I got to see Michael and Sarah again for the first time in 2 years.

It was so great to see them again. I miss them so much, and am so sad they are in Georgia, but they are loving it there, so that's a good thing.

I then started working pretty much full time, and now completely full time at the park. I planted the gardens at the Andrus and Gardiner Cabin, which has been very fun and I've loved working in gardens again.

About 2-3 weeks into living in my new apartment, I am on my way to Jim and Heathers to carpool to a co-workers wedding reception...insert car breaking down #2. I was on the corner of 5th and 13th (a very busy intersection) sitting at a red light about 6 o'clock (a very busy time on that road) when my car just turned off and wouldn't turn back on. 

That was fun.

Jim wasn't far behind me and happened to call just as my car broke down. So he and Heather came and rescued me. He called his friend Omar to tow the car. Turns out my fuel pump had broken and my engine wasn't getting enough gas.  Thankfully, Omar had it fixed with 48 hours, during which time Jim and Heather graciously gave me rides to work and let me stay at their house. And entire new fuel system, $340. 

More maintence of gardens. Work drama. resolution of work drama. Boy problems....more boy problems...these things happen. Roommate drama. more friends getting engaged and married. People getting pregnant. This is in no particular order.

Week after I get my car back Grandpa Fred and Grandma Joy come through  Salt Lake on their way to Idaho. After visiting with them, car breaking down #3, my clutch went out. About a $400 job. But it also happened to break down memorial day weekend, so I wasn't able to get my car back until Wednesday. during which time, again, Jim and Heather were the greatest friends ever and gave me places to sleep and rides and such. 

I've learned this last year what it feels like to have friends really care about you. It's a good feeling.

When I get my car back, they tell me they also found a leak in the radiator. After many attempts with John and Jen to help fix it, it was back in the shop a week later. But, I did get it fixed for only $126. So for a little less than what I paid in Logan, look at what I got fixed in Salt Lake. Never taking my car to Master Mechanics again.

More garden, work, boy, roommate, life happening. 

And now here we are, the day after a very fun murder mystery that deserves it's own blog post. I pulled my first crop out of a garden today, radishes. To bad I don't like radishes. But at least they are growing. And very tired. 

In short, these last two months have flown by, and have not been short on adventures.

Play Time

Yes, as a matter of fact I am doing back to back posts on play.

Because play is important.

For some reason, as we grow up we seem to think that playing isn't important, and is also rather childish. However, recently I had to pick a health subject to create a campaign  to promote a healthy behavior. I chose play.

There is research to back up the importance of play. There is even an National Institution of Play. Did you know that? I didn't until a few days ago.

But here are some of the reasons that Play is healthful and something that should be part of our lives.

-It relieves stress
-It fosters creativity
- It enhances problem solving skills
-It is important to our mental and physical health
-It supercharges learning
-It helps us connect to each others
-Play can help with loneliness, isolation, anxiety and depression
-It also makes us happy.

So why do we not make time to play?

For some reason our society (from my observations) has become so obsessed with success, to the point we forget that life isn't just about work, but it is something to be enjoyed and cherished. All the money and monetary success will mean nothing if we are miserable getting there.

Life is such a precious gift, why not enjoy it?

Play doesn't have to be stressful or take a lot of time, in fact you can even find ways to bring it into your work.

It also doesn't mean vegging in front of the couch.

Playing sports is play. Dancing. Board games. Table top games. Taking walks with friends. Attending concerts and performances. Telling riddles and jokes. It can even be as simple as lunch with a friend.

We all need time to unwind and enjoy the world around us. So as you stress, be it for end of semester or just life in general, take time to play today.

Play theory

Have I told you guys about Play Theory?

Because it is pretty awesome.

It's this club on campus that my friends happen to be starting, well...starting the USU chapter. They were in it down in LDS Business college.

Anyway, it is a club that is all about learning life skills, like happiness, through improv games.

Right up my alley, right?

So we have 4 principles that we focus on and learn about and practice through playing, they are as follows :

1. Be 100% present.
2. Let go and play.
3. Say yes, and...
4. Look outward.

Are these not great principles to live life by?

Be 100% present
I feel like this one is self explanatory. It is hard to accomplish much of anything, if you are not in the moment. You have to be aware of the now to enjoy the now.

Let go and play.
Seriously, stop taking yourself so seriously. Life is also meant to be enjoyed.

Say yes, and...
Don't always be the one to say no. Except what life throws you and the add to it.

Look Outward.
When you try to make others look good, you inadvertently make yourself look good.

Theses are just Mandy's translations of the principles, the real ones are much more eloquent.

But basically. I love play theory, and I am so glad I get to go play once a week. 

Why I loved Frozen

Okay, I know that there are a million posts out there about frozen and arguing what it is really saying to everyone.

But let me be annoying and throw one more out there.

I know that everyone has been claiming that frozen is pushing the "gay agenda". I'll be honest, the first, second and third time I saw it, I didn't jump to that conclusion.

I can plainly see how everyone is seeing that. And it is a completely valid perspective.

But I am looking through different eyes.

I saw a girl, who struggled with something that was part of her. She felt that she was not allowed to show it, she wasn't allowed to have it. If she just concealed it and ignored it, maybe it would go away. Maybe it wouldn't exist.

She finally hit a point where she let it out, and people reacted....let's say poorly...

So she ran away to be by herself so that she could be herself. She was finally allowed to feel things that were part of her.

This is what I saw because this is the battle I have fought with myself.

I have my own trials, as all of us do. But one thing that society and many of the people heavily involved in my life taught me was that I am not allowed feelings.

I am not allowed to be sad. I am not allowed to get angry. I am not allowed bad days. I am not allowed to be confused. I am not allowed to be frustrated. I am not allowed to be hurt.

Basically, if it was a negative emotion, it was not allowed.

So I learned to hide them.

"Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know."

I was not allowed to have the emotions that are part of being human. So I tried to get rid of them. I tried to control them. If I could conceal them, they didn't exist. If I didn't feel them, they didn't matter.

But that doesn't work forever.

Eventually the human in me came out. I had a terrible year with a lot of problems. And these negative emotions started coming out.

I got sad. I got angry. I got frustrated. All because I was hurting.

And when they started coming out people who were in my life, even good friends, reacted...let's say poorly...

I began to be ostracized when I was trying to scream for help. So I "ran away". Metaphorically speaking, of course. I shut down. I turned all feelings off. Including happy ones.

However, we  as humans, don't work well when we simply don't feel. So I started staying in more and more. I skipped classes so I didn't have to be around people. Because when I was alone, I was allowed feelings again. That's when I could be angry or frustrated or sad or hurt or happy or accomplished or smart.

When I was alone, I could be me.

The difference between Elsa and I? No one came after me.

Well...false...ONE TIME, I had one friend who realized I was dangerously not okay, and he did come by and we went for a long drive. He was the only one.

And that was enough.

I decided somewhere that I should consider re-joining the human race.

But I was still hiding my "powers" or the negative emotions. I couldn't trust these new close friends with them yet.

Slowly, I let them know this and that, so that they could understand that I do have problems and struggles, I am just not allowed to show them.

One in particular (simply because I spent the most time around him, as we are attending the same school) learned a lot more and has been able to see a lot more than anyone else.

All of the sudden, I was allowed to have my "powers", that thing that was part of me. And because they were now allowed, I was able to start controlling them. I was able to work through and with them in a constructive manner.

That is why I loved Frozen.

And because all of us have those challenges that aren't always accepted, it strikes a chord in all of us.

I love that it was so beautifully done that everyone could start seeing and thinking and interpreting things about it.

It was wonderful.

  

Happy Valentines Day!!!

I would like to wish everyone a most sincere and happy Valentines day!!!

And no, it is NOT Singles awareness day.

Seriously, if you want my un-filtered opinion about how much I hate people calling it that, ask me in person sometime.

And before you go all "well, you must have never been alone on Valentines or you would understand" on me, in the 23 Valentines that I have been around for, I've not had someone to spend a single one of them with. So, yeah, trust me, I know what being alone on Valentines is like.

But do you want to know what today is about?

An entire DAY dedicated to YOU being able to express YOUR love for the people that YOU care about.

It's not about receiving gifts.

Not that there is anything wrong with receiving affection, or that enjoying them is bad.

But stop focusing on what you are getting or not getting.

Think about all the people in your life that you love and care about.

Think about all the times you wished you could let them know.

YOU GET AN ENTIRE DAY TO LET THEM KNOW!!!!!

Not that you can't love them other days of the year. In fact you should.

But do you know how much better Valentines day is when you aren't focusing on yourself and how lonely you are?

SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

What I do on Valentines, I buy a bunch of candy and I go around giving it to people all day.

yes I know I'm odd.

But I figured out that if I can't have a Valentine, doesn't mean I can't be one.

So I hope that no matter your relationship status, you may have a very Happy Valentines.

Please don't stop the music.

I know I've posted about music before, especially since when I started this blog 3 years ago, I was a music major.

But I've been thinking a lot about music lately.

Because I miss it.

I mean, I'm back in Chorale, which is better than nothing. And I'm humbled to admit that stepping down to Chorale after Chambers is really really hard.

But music just isn't in my life like it use to be.

And it makes me sad.

I don't learn knew songs anymore. I'm not exploring different styles. I'm not practicing my guitar and trying to get better.

I've accepted my mediocrity.

I want to fill my life with music again.

Music is how I feel. It's how I process emotions.

I think that's why it has left me a little.

Last year, I turned emotions off. Turning them back on is hard and scary.

Music brings them out in me.

I guess I'm saying, I need the music back. I need to face the fears. I need to expand and create. I need to practice and become. I need to pretend like I'm much better than I am.

I want the music back.

Trophys

So, I just read an article on huffington post about how no one should have to put up with or accept us at our worst, we should learn to fix our worst. I agreed with that part of the article, to a degree. We all have bad days, and on those days we need acceptance, however if you are a pain and selfish all the time, then you need to work on that.

(If you want to read it, here is the link. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-walsh/if-i-cant-accept-you-at-y_b_4673582.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false )

But that is not what this post is about.

I want to talk about trophy's. This guy really ripped on how when we give everyone the "pity trophy" there are only one of two outcomes going to happen. That kid will realize it's the pit trophy and hate it, OR they will think "yeah, I am cool." and get an inflated ego from earning a trophy.

I am here to tell you I am the third kind of person. (and I am sure that there are also 4th, 5th, and 6th persons as well)

I played soccer for 5 years growing up (shocker, I know), and at the end of every season I got my PARTICIPATION trophy. I had accomplished something over each season. I was part of a team. I was learning a sport. I was learning how to work with others. I was learning how to accept defeat. I was learning how to graciously win. I was getting physical exercise. I was playing. I was making friends. I scored goals. I blocked goals. I tripped and fell. I lost the ball. I was learning many valuable lessons. And for all of this, and making it through the season, I was given a trophy.

I knew that everyone was getting it, I wasn't stupid. But I saw it as my reward for making it through the season. It was something to keep and remember the things I learned. It was proof that I could make it through an entire summer season of a sport. I knew it wasn't for anything outstanding I had done. BUT that silly award ceremony we would have was one more lesson in being gracious and grateful.

Plus it was usually hosted at this local pizza place that I loved, which is never a bad thing.

Basically, While I agree that we are starting to go over board on "emotional bubble wrap". I find nothing wrong with everyone getting a participation trophy, because when you are a child, sticking through an entire season is hard. Learning to play nicely is hard. And you have earned having something to remember it by. I still have and love all (i think) 7 of my trophy's and 1 medal from my years of playing soccer.

Since then, I have lost track of all the times I have "lost." When I was kicked out of my program. When I have been passed over for jobs. When I didn't get the boy that I wanted. I had already learned at a young age that you don't always win, and it's not the end of the world. You just try again the next game. Want to know something else these trophy's taught me? How much more I appreciated the "wins" I did earn. When I earned a medal for second at state in One-Acts, that medal was a big deal to me. When I received outstanding performer, I knew it was a big deal, because not everyone got one. When my one-act was one of four selected to be performed out of over 50 entries, it was a big deal.

And want to know what else? By this point I had learned to be a gracious winner. So when I received these honors, I wasn't going around saying "Well of course I won, I am just that good." Instead, I was saying "What an honor. Thank you so much for this. I hope I can continue to improve and become better because of this." I turned these into motivation to become excellent at something, so that I was deserving of whatever award I had been given.

Maybe that is what we should be teaching our kids, these trophy's that we give to everyone, it is to show that you have learned something, and you PARTICIPATED. These Valentines that we require you to give everyone? It's so we can teach you how to be kind to everyone. If there is something that we should focus on teaching our children, it is that other people are out there. Other people matter. Everyone IS special, because no one is just like everyone else, and EVERYONE has the POTENTIAL to become excellent. But it must be earned.

Just like I earned those participation trophy's.