bleh

School has begun again. I meant to write yesterday, or the day before. a lot has happened and I can't keep up anymore. my life is an emotional roller coaster and i feel like i'm not wearing a seat belt. along the way i'm getting whiplash (which i've had before, not fun.)

I mean, i'm learning a lot. and i'm trying hard to remember the things i'm learning. and I'm trying to see the happy and positive things of life.

but somedays it's harder than others.

i'm learning about life. not much from books.

i've never been good at learning from books.

i'm not very school smart.

i know how to handle people. i learn how people work decently fast. especially when i started trying to teach myself to look at people from different perspectives.

i don't want to be an english teacher.

i don't know if i want to be a teacher anymore.

maybe it's just because i'm sick of school.

maybe it's because i've watched all my classmates excel so far in front of me.

maybe it's because i feel like i haven't changed in the last three years. except becoming more cynical and pessimistic i suppose.

this is dumb. i was fine most of the day yesterday, and now i'm back to just not caring. i even skipped class this morning. i really shouldn't get in that habit.

especially since i don't really know whats going on in that class. the stupid part...it's grammar. stuff i should have learned in elementary and junior high.

and the fourth year college student can't understand it.

thats a self esteem booster right there.

i promise life is okay. it will work out eventually. i just didn't sleep very well last night. but i want to get better at posting, so i figured i might as well start.

happier posts to come.